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2020 Apr 12 - Boris Goes to Hospital

20200412
Doesn't 2019 seem such a long time ago? In Britain people were talking about leaving the EU whereas nowadays people are more interested in talking about when they're going to get to leave the house. This week, yet more of the same, depressing fatality numbers while we all sit eating through the cupboards and freezer. Earlier this week the wife asked me if I wanted canapés for dinner and I thought "yum yum there must be some in the freezer to heat up in the oven" but it turned out that in fact she was talking about a can of peas in the cupboard.

Mind you most of us have had it better than Boris Johnson who spent most of the last in hospital. Unlike one of his normal visits to a hospital there was no PR blitz, in fact there was no video footage at all this time, leading many to speculate whether he actually was in a far more serious condition than he was letting on. My goodness, if you can't trust a politician to tell the truth what's the world coming to? Ultimately he's made a good recovery, let's just hope he doesn't shake hands with the medical staff when he says thank you on his way out. That'll be in a few days from now hopefully before he goes back to his usual job of surrounding himself with advisors, ministers, staff, and all the other factors that make being a politician an almost guaranteed route to catching the virus. Hanging around with 650 people in a confined House of Commons was in some respects a very silly thing to do though I guess it depends on your priorities and how you assess risk, I mean you could go out and claim that all zoos are petting zoos if you don't mind being mauled to death by a tiger.

For now though we'll just have to wait and see if the virus ultimately does take anyone important from us. A week or two back there were even rumours that the Queen or Prince Phillip may have had it. And we know that Prince Charles did get it. And there's always a risk that Prince Andrew may have breathing difficulties too, though for him it would almost certainly result from a tragic unexplained accident involving a rope.
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2020 Mar 28 - Boris & Coronavirus

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It's not often you hear the left wing news media saying something positive about the Prime Minister but this week they were simply reporting that Boris had tested positive for Coronavirus and will therefore be working from home which is pretty convenient as his office, the cabinet room, is just down the hall from his bedroom anyway. You have to admire the irony of Boris having not apparently used enough Johnsons baby wipes to clean his hands, although it does show the dangers of saying things li ......

2020 Feb 14 - Sajid Javid Resigns

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Happy Valentines day, or for those with breathing difficulty, happy ventolins day and to those who are especially thrifty, it's just a day or two until the shops are selling chocolate at a heavily reduced price! In Westminster though it's been a bit of a Valentines Day Massacre though with Boris acting like Al Capone with a reshuffle. Actually, in that analogy, it's probably Dominic Cumming's who's the mob boss because for a Brexit-voting country that voted to get rid of unelected busybodies, th ......

2019 Dec 14 - Election Aftermath and the Labour Party

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Boris Johnson has been re-elected and Jeremy Corbyn has resigned after being shown to be as popular on the doorstep as that childhood joke where you set fire to a paper bag with a dog poop in it. I thought this week I'd look at the online Labour reaction, using the 7 stages of grief framework.

1) Shock
When the BBC Exit poll first came out, people were astonished, to see something on the BBC saying something positive about the Conservative Party. It was surreal, like watching an episode of Th ......

2019 Dec 08 - UK Election a Few Days Away

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It's been a very busy time of year for letterboxes, between the Christmas Cards, the election pamphlets as well as the usual assortment of local takeaway menus. Those places are presumably hoping to cash in on people burning their Christmas dinner and order in pizza, chicken wings and lamb kofta.

Those pamphlets though, there's only a couple more of them to come as it's just the last final couple of days before the election and I imagine for MPs it must feel a bit like being back at school a ......

2019 Oct 06 - Brexit (not a lot happening)

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A couple of weeks ago it was was commanded by the courts that parliament must return to session; it MUST sit, lest civilization collapse, like the England football team in a penalty shootout. So everyone was sent back and almost no work was done because there's frankly little that can actually be done now by MPs until the Prime Minister decides the next move. It's like the bit in a chess game where people are staring at the board while the clock counts down and half the audience are actually sta ......

2019 Sep 06 - Westminster Brexit Chaos

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The last couple of days at Westminsters have been a mess, certainly far worse than anything I've seen and I'm in the process of toilet training a 3 year old. But let's try to simplify and lay out the process of how we got here:

1) MPs don't want to want Brexit to happen, even though the public do and many of those MPs were explicitly elected promising to deliver it. As an analogy This is a like me promising to buy kitchen roll from the corner shop, then spending the money on wine and later refu ......

2019 Aug 31 - Boris Suspends Parliament

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I was once recommended that if you're buying lottery tickets then you should wear apache war paint and an American Indian head-dress because apparently "fortune favours the brave" and talking about that expression, Boris Johnson certainly upped his game this week, finally moving the Brexit saga into the end stage and putting an end to the bespoke stalemate and 3 years of can nothingness that Theresa May had so expertly crafted, in order to grind everyone down. The last couple of years have seen ......

2019 Aug 10 - Jeremy Corbyn wants The Queen to make him PM

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Looking over the news this week, I wondered if the climate protesters were up to their usual tricks in London but it turned out to just be the 50th anniversary of the Beatles Abbey Road album and a bunch of idiots commemorated it by blocking the zebra crossing, which happens to be on a major road, while observing motorists sat motionless, wishing that the fans would start recreating the latter minutes of John Lennon's life.

There's also headlines about a power outage, although on further inspec ......

2019 Jul 27 - Boris Becomes PM

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This week Boris Johnson finally achieved his lifelong ambition of becoming Prime Minister; I guess that becoming the Prime Minister is the one aspect of life where you might actually want to copy something that Theresa May has done, obviously ignore everything she did afterwards. Anyway, long before Boris had even gotten out of the car, there was of course wailing and gnashing of teeth from the media with words like "mandate" and "democracy" being bandied around shamelessly, no doubt those in th ......

2019 Jul 20 - Brexit and the Grieve Amendment

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We'll talk about some Brexit news in a moment but first I guess it's worth mentioning that it's 50 years this weekend since man walked on the moon and as Michael Collins remained alone flying overhead in the orbiter, we was one of the only the people in history to be both sad and both over the moon at the same time. Unfortunately though for the folks like you and me the prospect of commercial flights to the moon still remain as far in the future as the idea of a supposedly conservative governmen ......

2019 Jul 13 - Sir Kim Darroch Resignation

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Quite a few stories of note this week: Iran threatening to seize a British ship, the Tommy Robinson sentencing, Facebook being fined $5bn and Jeremy Corbyn's team denying accusations of antisemitism and saying the story is being concocted by a global jewish conspiracy. Plus looking at at the news there's also a new "weird health tip" that a mom in the midwest has supposedly discovered that doctors don't want you to know about. Wait no, the last of those is an advert.

Let's talk about the resign ......

2019 Jun 22 - Boris and Jeremy Hunt

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What’s been going on in the world this week? Well I could tell you all about my addiction to reading books. But that's another story. What has been going on is a round of votes to decide who will be the next leader of the Conservative Party and therefore the new Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. The post is actually still held by Theresa May who is being about as pro-active in the legislative process as she’s been for the past 2 years: in the past week she managed to pass three times as ......

2019 May 18 - Huawei

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This week I thought we'd take a break from Theresa May to discuss Huawei, the Chinese company with a name that people disagree on how to pronounce. A bit like when people disagree on whether it's "envelope" of 'on' velope or how about even something as simple as the letter H. If you want to reduce the cost of healthcare, I'd ban access to anyone who pronounces it the "en haich ess"

Anyway, Huawei, not to be mistaken for Hawaii. The company is supposedly independent of the Chinese government an ......

2018 Oct 06 - Conservative Party Conference

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Birmingham once gave us the band The Moody Blues so is seemed appropriate that moody blue rosette wearing MPs gathered in Birmingham this past week for the Conservative Party Conference. There were fever pitch levels of excitement normally reserved in Birmingham for a nill-all draw at Villa Park. But this wasn't football, it was politics and rather than a game of two halves, this was more like 8 full pints and a bottle of whisky into the night as scheming ministers gathered to see if Boris would ......

2018 Sep 29 - Labour Party Conference

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Well the US Supreme Court decision has delayed for a week. That's almost as long a delay as a Southern Rail train! So in the meantime let's talk about the Labour Party Conference which was held this last week in Liverpool. They were in Brighton last year which frankly always came as a surprise to me as there's not too many Bright'uns in the leadership right now

Anyway, there was much of what you'd expect, everyone out-doing each other with speeches about how much they hate money and why they sh ......

2018 Sep 08 - Trump's Traitor

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I tell you what I don't trust: stairs, because they're always up to something. But talking of not trusting people, President Trump woke up this week to discover that one of his loyal inner circle had anonymously written a column in the New York Times that was the editorial equivalent of Gordon Ramsey going berserk in a badly run kitchen. This came just one day after scathing excerpts were published from yet another anti-Trump book, this one written by Bob Woodward who was of course famous for r ......

2018 Aug 11 - Boris, Burkas and the Space Force

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Two stories this week and just like spellings of the word Colour, one is from the UK and one from America.

Let's first talk about Boris Johnson was embroiled in a row after making comments about women wearing the Burka resembling a postbox, a row possibly inspired by the thought that the next tory leadership election will involve sending out thousands of postal ballots to the party faithful. The comment or joke or hate speech or leadership stump, depending how you view it, attracted support fro ......

2018 Jul 29 - Fires

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The news has been a bit quiet this week in the world of politics although former cricketer Imran Khan won an election and will be in charge of Pakistan if such a thing were in any way possible. But this is the age of celebrity of course where sportsmen become politicians, tv reality show host Donald Trump became the US President and the UK has a prime minister who frankly wouldn't look out of place on Countdown's Dictionary Corner, managing to somehow still misspell things and insist that her an ......

2018 Jul 14 - Will Theresa May Survive?

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Lots of Theresa May news week. I don't think there's been this much activity at Westminster since that time Cyrill Smith discovered it was possible to clear his internet search history. Over last 7 days, MPs had had a bit of time to read the details of the Brexit paper that Theresa May put out last weekend and was about as popular as a rattlesnake in a lucky dip

David Davis resigned, as did Boris Johnson along with a number of lesser known ministers and it's currently a case of seeing whether e ......

2017 Sep 30 - Labour & Conservative Party Conferences

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So a few days ago saw the end of the Labour party conference and a fun time was had by all, just as long as you weren’t Laura Kuenssberg, or wanting to play ‘Things Can Only Get Better’ on the jukebox. Party conferences are always curious state managed affairs these days. Originally they were for the grass roots members and MPs to meet and discuss what direction the party should go in, in the case of the Labour party the centre ground, to the left, the far left or extreme left. But no nee ......

2017 Sep 21 - Florence and Boris

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It’s been a pretty bad week again in Central America, more tropical storms, Mexico suffering a another major earthquake and the other day I turned on the 10 o’clock news and for a while it seemed as though there were now dinosaurs on the loose in Costa Rica but then I realised the clocks don’t go back until next weekend and it was actually just the last half hour of Jurassic Park. The film holds up reasonably well actually, although if I wanted to see an older bearded man introducing dinos ......

2017 Feb 03 - Trump Bans 7 Countries

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Last weekend things got pretty darn serious and President Trump decided to ban people travelling to America from Iran, Somalia and some other countries, essentially because they’re predominantly Muslim places. I suppose you could maybe try to find the positives: perhaps the US will formally recognise Palestine as a country [?] in order so that Trump can then presumably ban Palestinian people from travelling to the US.

Curiously, Saudi Arabia didn’t make the cut. It’s a brutal Islamic the ......