We’re halfway through the election campaign so I thought we’d take a look at what the various parties stand for, seeing as how we’ve not had have Ed Milliband chiseling anything onto a demented novelty gravestone this year.

The Conservatives are frankly miles in the lead following Theresa May’s media strategy of keeping Boris and all other the Gaffe prone MPs away from a microphone. She’s also promising to deliver on Brexit in order to finally put and end to Nick Clegg who increasingly resembles one of those Japanese soldiers that were still up in the mountains decades after the war had ended.

Labour wants to pile money into schools and hospitals but the biggest spending commitment is probably the suggestion of bringing both the post office and the railways back into public ownership, although that might actually be doable seeing as how Corbyn winning would trigger the mother of all stock market crashes and all those Royal Mail shares would then be very cheap for the government to buy, and I doubt Corbyn could do worse than Southern Rail

The Green Party manifesto is mostly made up of all the things that Jeremy Corbyn thought were a bit too left wing for Labour but say what you will I suppose the Greens do have an honest view on where they stand with regards to Europe. It seems a bit inconsistent though, seeing as all the European stuff people enjoy like sports cars, chorizo and cheap flights to Spain are the same things the green party wants to ban.

Also in the pro-EU court are the Liberal Democrats who don’t like Theresa May’s decision to trigger Article 50 and think that the public should keep getting a say in it at every opportunity until they get it right. Not to be outdone, the SNP also want a second Brexit referendum and a second Independence referendum too. Both of them also promise more money for schools, presumably because with all that extra voting, local primary schools will need to spend money upgrading their parking facilities.

That just leaves UKIP who want to make sure the Conservatives don’t go soft on Brussels. And for those like me in a boring safe seat looking to waste your vote, the Monster Raving Looney Party have quite a good manifesto this year; they think that the UK should exit Europe but go further and join the Duchy of Cornwall to benefit from tax exemptions.