This week:
There was also a cabinet reshuffle in the UK and there were reports that a lot of government ministers were sweating worst than the Prime Minister on Fathers Day
I saw a a report from Louisiana about a 200lb alligator on the lose that had eaten someone. Presumably though it was actually a 100lb alligator, at least before dinner
A number of venues are asking for proof of a negative test before they let you in, I have an old friend who’s taken to carrying around the letter saying he failed the 11-plus. It’s not that kind of test, no wonder he failed it…

But the big story was the news that Australia has canceled a deal to buy Submarines from France and will instead be doing a deal with the UK and America. The land down under is putting some boats down under (the ocean surface). This is all part of the ever increasing militarization of the pacific region as the US and Australia square off against China in what people are calling a new cold war, possibly inspired by the general trend to keep commission things based on 1970s & 80s nostalgia. I recently read a history book about year 1984 and you forget how different the world was back then, even the countries had different names like Oceania. I believe the author, a Mr G Orwell ended up writing policy for the European Commission.

Anyway, the submarine deal. The Australians had previously offered to pay €90bn to purchase diesel electric submarines but this last week this was torpedoed when they decided to buy nuclear submarines from a join UK-US proposal. There’s a sense of irony now that after Australia opted to literally go for the nuclear option, France has metaphorically gone for the nuclear option, recalling its ambassadors from Australia and the United States and accusing the UK of destroying any remaining sense of post-Brexit camaraderie. If you ask me, I think France probably did that, when they decided to task their navy with assisting economic migrants who wanted to sail from Calais to Britain. They’re now demanding compensation from the 3 countries involved, if I were in charge I’d send them a tanker full of cheap Ozzy wine, processed American cheese and a bill for the HMS Sheffield. Maybe appoint Katie Price as an ambassador while I’m at it in order to kill two birds with one stone.

Let’s finish with a submarine joke. A British, an American and a North Korean captain are bragging about their submarines and how long they can stay underwater. The British captain starts off saying: "Our submarines can stay underwater for 6 months before having to resurface!". The American replies: "Pff, that's nothing. Our submarines can go for a whole 3 years and never have to come to the surface once!". At this point the North Korean starts laughing and says: "Oh boys, that's really cute and all, but we launched a submarine in 1968 and it hasn't surfaced yet!".