Most of this weekend’s news focused on the Duke of Edinburgh’s funeral at Windsor, there was a 41-gun salute, followed by a phone call from Emmanuel Macron saying that they surrendered, and a protest in America demanding a ban on assault-style ceremonial cannons. No sign of Meghan of course, although perhaps she’s claiming to have attended a secret private funeral a few days ago with just the Archbishop of Canterbury in attendance. I did personally wonder why there were so many people at the event although I later saw David Icke commenting that the Covid rules about family gatherings do not apply to lizards or shapeshifters. All things considered I found the more bizarre story to be the one about how Prince Andrew expected to be allowed to show up wearing an admiral’s uniform, as if the funeral was some kind of bespoke-tailored fancy dress occasion. Who would have thought that Phillip’s least embarrassing son would end up being the one that talked to trees? Personally speaking if I was the prime minister I would have stepped in and told Andrew to wear the outfit on condition that immediately afterwards he was flown out to Ukraine where a major naval skirmish may be about to kick off. She how dedicated to the cause he really is.

The situation in Ukraine is actually rather serious, but sadly that fact is no longer news, one of Ukraine’s biggest imports in recent years has been the Russian military and after Putin was criticized by NATO for annexing Sevastopol he was reported to have shrugged and said “Crimea River” Personally I’m just glad I wasn’t born there, mostly because I don’t speak a word of Russian, though also because it looks like Vladimir is itching to invade again. And why not, it’s an election year and there are seats in the Duma up for grabs so he needs to make sure everyone knows he’s got Russian interests at the forefront, rather than Russian assets in his bank account. In the meantime, Alexi Navalny, the opposition leader, is slowly dying in jail, although half the voters suspect him of being a CIA backed stooge anyway and there’s no conceivable way that Putin would actually lose. It’s a fairly depressing situation really but then wasn’t it always. It’s just a shame that we aren’t at least getting a new Tolstoy or Faberge or Shostakovich out of it. Say what you will about Stalin or the Tzars, at least we got some good music and books out of it all. As for these days the best we can hope for is whatever piece of music they enter into the Eurovision Song Contest next month. Personally speaking I’d rather sign up and join the military in Ukraine than sit through an evening of that. Given the shear scale of the Russian troop buildup on the border, at least the war looks like it will take less time to be over and done with, at least until another year. Just imagine if the BBC got Graham Norton to commentate on their News Chanel, I jest of course, they would never do that, because he’s white and over the age of 50.