2020 Feb 22 - Democratic Primary

This weekend in America it's the next round of the Democratic selection process and at the time of recording, I can't tell who's going to win because predicting the future is not a superpower that I possess. And if I could have any superpower? That would probably be the Roman Empire in the 2rd century. Let's take a quick look at the 5 main candidates though

1) Joe Biden - He's the candidate that the establishment are hoping gets the nomination. He's Obama's old VP, has decades of experience, he's saltier than tourist swimming in the dead sea and he's polling miles behind because clearly nobody learnt anything from 2016. But on the other hand he is an old white man with numerous accusations of lewd impropriety which makes him an excellent match for President Trump.

2) Bernie Sanders - He's the frontrunner, very left-wing, a US version of Jeremy Corbyn. He plays well to his base but then so does Piers Morgan or Ed Sheeran, it doesn't mean he's popular with the general public and even a lot of unions have refused to endorse him. More worrying is his age, he's 5 years older than George Bush who ran for office 20 years ago and so keep a fire extinguisher handy because if he mysteriously dies in his sleep, the internet will probably catch fire.

3) Michael Bloomberg - The billionaire has so far done dreadfully but he has spent $400m of his own money on this and he has the support of Hilary Clinton so he could very well buy the nomination. He has an emerging litany of offensive quotes and has faced attacks on the grounds of racism and sexism, but as I said he does have a lot of money and he is really good friends with the Clintons. If you've ever seen a seamstress stitching something up, you probably have good idea where the race is heading

4) Pete Buttigieg - a small-town mayor from Indiana who's only real claim to the crown is being less awful than the past 3. He's comically out of his depth but will likely be be the vice presidential nomination, partly because he can lend his endorsement, and partly because strangely he's yet another candidate with a letter 'B' initial in his name and in the superficial branding-based world we live in, that alliteration is worth far more than it should.

5) Elizabeth Warren - The female candidate would could maybe have won last time around but is probably a bit late now. She's also the only ethnic minority candidate in the race now, being 1/10 of 1% native American, after a DNA test spectacularly backfired and destroyed her backstory in a way that few people had seen since the days of the Star Wars prequels.

So those are the 5, one of whom may become president, or may lose in hilariously embarrassing fashion. Personally speaking, for me the greatest US President was William Henry Harrison, because after taking office he got sick, died almost immediately and therefore introduced no new laws whatsoever.
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