Two major news stories to come out of America this week leaving president Trump happier than that time that he found a loophole saying he didn't have to hire any of the idiots on that tv show of his.

The first main story was the acquittal in the senate impeachment trial, much as that result was never in any doubt, I've seen romantic comedies with more twists and suspense, joking of course because I don't want those sorts of films. At no point did anyone expect Adam Schiff to turn around like Columbo, say "one more thing" and pull out a surprise cassette recording. There was no sign of Perry Mason with a partly crumpled photograph and Angela Lansbury from Murder She Wrote lives in Maine, not DC. To this day there has been no evidence provided to substantiate any of the claims made by the house democrats. Whilst it is true that no witnesses were called, that is equally in part due to the Democrats not being willing to cut a deal that would also have seen their people called to the stand, not least Jo Biden who went on camera a few years ago to boast about cutting aid to Ukraine in order to get a prosecutor fired, the same thing that President Trump was alleged to have done. The whole thing became politicised when the house insisted on closed door hearings with no public reporting so with partisan lines drawn down the middle any attempt to impeach the president was bound to fall apart faster than one of Prince Andrew's many elaborate excuses.

The second bit story this week was the Iowa Caucus, an event where the crowd of people wanting to run against the president hold a popularity content in Iowa. It's already contentious given that it's not very representative of the US demographics, it's a small rural state and it's lucky that the number of registered voters finally now outnumbers the number of candidates, given that the scores of potential contenders has finally narrowed down to half a dozen. Nonetheless, this year was an unmitigated disaster of epic and hilarious proportions as the smartphone app designed to count votes broke and still nobody knows what the result actually was. All of course claimed a victory and if the Democrats were trying to avoid accusations of political correctness gone mad, the vote resembled one of those primary school nonsense sports events where "everyone" is declared the winner. The person who came out of it best was probably Michael Bloomberg who chose to stay away and focus on the other upcoming poll in South Carolina. Nonetheless it made the party look about as professional and organised as one of those internet videos where people hold a fist-fight to see which of them will be the first to get inside the Wallmart. All part of the comedy of errors I suppose, after all they only have a few months to decide which of them will embarrassingly lose to the President in November