2020 Feb 22 - Democratic Primary

This weekend in America it's the next round of the Democratic selection process and at the time of recording, I can't tell who's going to win because predicting the future is not a superpower that I possess. And if I could have any superpower? That would probably be the Roman Empire in the 2rd century. Let's take a quick look at the 5 main candidates though

1) Joe Biden - He's the candidate that the establishment are hoping gets the nomination. He's Obama's old VP, has decades of experience, he's saltier than tourist swimming in the dead sea and he's polling miles behind because clearly nobody learnt anything from 2016. But on the other hand he is an old white man with numerous accusations of lewd impropriety which makes him an excellent match for President Trump.

2) Bernie Sanders - He's the frontrunner, very left-wing, a US version of Jeremy Corbyn. He plays well to his base but then so does Piers Morgan or Ed Sheeran, it doesn't mean he's popular with the general public and even a lot of unions have refused to endorse him. More worrying is his age, he's 5 years older than George Bush who ran for office 20 years ago and so keep a fire extinguisher handy because if he mysteriously dies in his sleep, the internet will probably catch fire.

3) Michael Bloomberg - The billionaire has so far done dreadfully but he has spent $400m of his own money on this and he has the support of Hilary Clinton so he could very well buy the nomination. He has an emerging litany of offensive quotes and has faced attacks on the grounds of racism and sexism, but as I said he does have a lot of money and he is really good friends with the Clintons. If you've ever seen a seamstress stitching something up, you probably have good idea where the race is heading

4) Pete Buttigieg - a small-town mayor from Indiana who's only real claim to the crown is being less awful than the past 3. He's comically out of his depth but will likely be be the vice presidential nomination, partly because he can lend his endorsement, and partly because strangely he's yet another candidate with a letter 'B' initial in his name and in the superficial branding-based world we live in, that alliteration is worth far more than it should.

5) Elizabeth Warren - The female candidate would could maybe have won last time around but is probably a bit late now. She's also the only ethnic minority candidate in the race now, being 1/10 of 1% native American, after a DNA test spectacularly backfired and destroyed her backstory in a way that few people had seen since the days of the Star Wars prequels.

So those are the 5, one of whom may become president, or may lose in hilariously embarrassing fashion. Personally speaking, for me the greatest US President was William Henry Harrison, because after taking office he got sick, died almost immediately and therefore introduced no new laws whatsoever.
Share >>>

Older posts, click on them to expand:

2020 Feb 14 - Sajid Javid Resigns

Happy Valentines day, or for those with breathing difficulty, happy ventolins day and to those who are especially thrifty, it's just a day or two until the shops are selling chocolate at a heavily reduced price! In Westminster though it's been a bit of a Valentines Day Massacre though with Boris acting like Al Capone with a reshuffle. Actually, in that analogy, it's probably Dominic Cumming's who's the mob boss because for a Brexit-voting country that voted to get rid of unelected busybodies, th ......

2020 Feb 08 - Great Week for Trump

Two major news stories to come out of America this week leaving president Trump happier than that time that he found a loophole saying he didn't have to hire any of the idiots on that tv show of his.

The first main story was the acquittal in the senate impeachment trial, much as that result was never in any doubt, I've seen romantic comedies with more twists and suspense, joking of course because I don't want those sorts of films. At no point did anyone expect Adam Schiff to turn around like ......

2020 Feb 01 - Brexit is Done

Well Britain is finally rid of the EU and so depending what side you're on it's either time to open some sparkling wine, or start opening up those hundreds of tins of canned food that the BBC warned you'd need to stock up on. Either way it's better than the old diet where you have nothing but Brussels and keep losing pounds, billions of them. Talking about tinned goods though, it would actually be fairly ironic if the Coronavirus became a global pandemic and the stockpiling thing turned out to h ......

2020 Jan 26 - Chinese Coronavirus

This weekend the Chinese New Year and it's the year of the rat and to celebrate the Chinese have done what they do best, copied things from the West, and have taken the whole rat motif to a new level by having a plague, just like Europe did back in the 14th century with all the rats. Yes, it's not so much Kung Fu so much as Kung Flu, as the coronavirus looks set to kill upwards of a hundred thousand people which are the death numbers you more associate with factory workers at an iPhone factory a ......

2020 Jan 17 - Vladimir Putin Beyond 2024?

One of the shorter articles on Wikipedia, is the page listing Russian Presidents, it's only got 4 entries on it and two of them same guy. At the time of writing, there's the same number of Russian Presidents alive today as there are members of The Beatles.

Vladimir Putin is no Fool On The Hill though and he's very aware that he's running out of constitutional loopholes to keep him in power so he's decided to play the classic autocracy play of convincing people that he should be able to rewrite ......

2020 Jan 10 - Prince Harry Resigns

Royal news this week as Prince Harry announced that he and his wife are as fed up with the tabloids as the rest of us, and want to resign from royal life although it's unclear at this stage whether he will be changing his name to "formally known as prince" like the singer or similarly swapping his signature to a strange symbol. I imagine that official calligraphers and people involved with heraldry are more concerned about their job than whoever ends up getting the new job in charge of Iran's mi ......

2020 Jan 04 - Australian Wildfires

It's 2020, a new year, and a lot of people have a new years resolution to stop drinking for January but it seems that the country of Australia have massively misunderstood what the term 'Dry January' means as a tinderbox of dry undergrowth has contributed to some of the worst wildfires in recent history. Looking over the headline claims there's death, hundreds of millions of dollars of damage, vast clouds of smoke visible from space and scenes resembling something out of Mad Max. Certainly this ......

2019 Dec 21 - Trump Impeachment

I thought this week we'd turn from Brexit to take a look at the President Trump impeachment story, at least until the new year. On the subject of the new year, one of the people I'm hoping to see recognised in the new year honours list is Jeremy Corbyn for services to the Conservative Party.

Anyway, the impeachment story, or saga, or mess, or as it will probably later be known: that time President Trump's opponents alienated enough people that they all but guaranteed his re-election. It's reall ......

2019 Dec 14 - Election Aftermath and the Labour Party

Boris Johnson has been re-elected and Jeremy Corbyn has resigned after being shown to be as popular on the doorstep as that childhood joke where you set fire to a paper bag with a dog poop in it. I thought this week I'd look at the online Labour reaction, using the 7 stages of grief framework.

1) Shock
When the BBC Exit poll first came out, people were astonished, to see something on the BBC saying something positive about the Conservative Party. It was surreal, like watching an episode of Th ......

2019 Dec 08 - UK Election a Few Days Away

It's been a very busy time of year for letterboxes, between the Christmas Cards, the election pamphlets as well as the usual assortment of local takeaway menus. Those places are presumably hoping to cash in on people burning their Christmas dinner and order in pizza, chicken wings and lamb kofta.

Those pamphlets though, there's only a couple more of them to come as it's just the last final couple of days before the election and I imagine for MPs it must feel a bit like being back at school a ......

2019 Dec 01 - London Bridge Attack

Carnage this week in London, at least that's what a lot of Arsenal fans will be saying down the pub, after the sacking of Unai Emery after 18 months of abysmal managerial malaise that made Leanne Wood look like Queen Victoria. David Cameron hasn't made a comment on that story, though it's probably because he can't remember if that's one of the teams he claims to support or not.

But the big story of course this week was of course a different kind of arsenal, the kind that armed police carry on t ......

2019 Nov 23 - Prince Andrew Interview

It was a quite extraordinary set of events this week after Prince Andrew decided to put an end to whispers and internet chatter by giving a full interview about his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein and it turned out to be probably the 2nd worst car crash in royal history. I'd go so far as to say it was actually more cringeworthy tv than that bizarre Royal Family edition of Its A Knockout that Andy and Edward conjured up back in the 80s.

If I was talking to you from a stage, I might ask anyone ......

2019 Nov 16 - Bad Election Week for Labour

I always have a bit of a laugh looking up the latest headlines and seeing what nonsense the BBCs website considers news. Example, "Could invisible barcode revolutionise recycling?" to which of course the answer is "could I care less?" Well the apparently the answer is yes I could care less about certain things, namely the ins and outs of the Labour Party manifesto because thanks to an week of political ineptitude, it has about as much chance of becoming reality as that dream I had where a Zebra ......

2019 Nov 09 - John Bercow's Gone

The UK election about a month away and the chosen date (December 12th) is Frank Sinatra's birthday so depending on the result it will either be a case of "That's Life" or "Send in the Clowns" or perhaps Jeremy Corbyn will win in which case it's a case of "Fly me to the Moon"

But for voters in Buckingham, it's an especially exciting election because local MP and Speaker of the House John Bercow is stepping down so they actually get to vote in his constituency for the first time in a decade. Berc ......

2019 Nov 02 - Election 2019 Announced

Hello again everyone and apologies about being on hiatus the last 2 week, I was on holiday without access to a laptop, which is presumably the same sort of expression that I imagine the Americans will use to describe Julian Assange's extradition to the US ("on holiday without a laptop") before he mysteriously disappears. On the other hand, it's not as if we missed much, it was mostly another two weeks of procrastination as Westminster sat around doing nothing before I arrived home and they decid ......

2019 Oct 15 - State Opening of Parliament

I'm posting a little bit late this week but I guess that's in keeping with the overall Brexit theme this year. Just be glad I don't copy the HS2 delays and send everyone an apology by means of an invoice.

But did anything of note even happen of late? Well actually it was the Queen's Speech, perhaps you didn't notice or maybe you were too full up with turkey and red wine, oh wait no that's the other Queen's speech. This is the one where she reads out whatever Dominic Cummings hands her, which th ......

2019 Oct 06 - Brexit (not a lot happening)

A couple of weeks ago it was was commanded by the courts that parliament must return to session; it MUST sit, lest civilization collapse, like the England football team in a penalty shootout. So everyone was sent back and almost no work was done because there's frankly little that can actually be done now by MPs until the Prime Minister decides the next move. It's like the bit in a chess game where people are staring at the board while the clock counts down and half the audience are actually sta ......

2019 Sep 28 - Democrats want to impeach Trump

Not sure if you've been to the cinema recently but whether it's the Avengers, Star Wars or Frozen II's upcoming release, sequels are all the rage. Which is why in America, the Democrats are keen to play to their base and make a sequel to the Muller Report with a wildcard and ultimately doomed to fail impeachment procedure. And as with Hobbs & Shaw, the 9th in that film trilogy, both are expected to be really really popular in California, but ultimately lacklustre and largely forgettable elsewher ......

2019 Sep 20 - Israel & Saudi Arabia

Two big stories coming out of the middle east this week, a part of the world divided along multiple disagreements: islam vs judaism, Russia vs America, whether or not a star should have 5 or 6 points or whether you should just depict a weapon on your flag because nothing symbolises a modern peace-seeking nation better than a big shiny sword.

First to Israel where a tied election has led to a stalemate after Benjamin Netanyahu received slightly fewer votes than his opponent, Benny Gantz. Both wo ......