2024 Jun 02 - Trump Guilty Verdict

This week a jury decided that Donald Trump might be the first criminal to be voted in as president if he wins in November, or at least he would be the first politician to be voted in *after* they got caught. There's lots of examples of people who got away with it but as a basic one Bill Clinton did the exact same thing as Trump when he paid Paula Jones $850,000 to drop a sexual harassment lawsuit and that is of course s the tip an exceedingly large iceberg. I say iceberg, but it's more like an island, that belonged to Jeffrey Epstein. There are also roughly 100 people who worked closely with Bill and Hilary who have since died from a suicide or an accident. I don't want to get too 'tinfoil hat' but 9 of the police officers involved in the Anthony Wiener investigation, all went on to kill themselves afterwards. If we're kicking around other names, remember when Dick Cheney shot someone, or how George Bush's wife killed someone in the 60s? Or

Let's talk about the Trump court case though and why the result will be overturned on appeal
1) The judge overseeing the trial gave money to a pro-Biden political organisation, a plain violation of NY law.
2) The crux of the case comes down to quite an obscure piece of logic, alleging that the falsification of business records was committed "with intent to commit another crime" but refused in court to specify what that crime was. That goes against numerous rules, mainly the one where you have to tell the defence what the accusations are.
3) The Jury supposedly was made up of 12 people who may or may not have voted in the previous election in 2020, yet somehow come to this with an open mind. If you look through the records, one even claimed in the jury selection process that they were a member of the social media site Trump Social, in fact that was part of the claim that the jury was a mix of both sides. I'll personally wager money that at some point in the next 10 years that person accidentally reveals that to have been a lie to get on the jury and winds up facing perjury charges. In America, unlike in the UK, it is completely legal for jury members to discuss the trial and write books about it. One of them will slip up, as sometimes happens, and overturn it as a mistrial.

But I digress, none of this matters of course and nor will it in this case. Trump's poll ratings jumped 6% on the news of the guilty verdict and he raised $39m in one day, while Joe Biden showed up in Philadelphia to a rally attended by less than 100 people, in what is a crucial swing state this November. It's a shame because Biden has a lot of achievements to his name: The standard of living for Ukrainian politicians is up 200% and more women of colour than ever before are getting the chance to pilot the drones that attack children in Yemen and Syria. There was an interesting poll in the newspaper that claimed that young American women don't want to date men who plan to vote for Trump, although unfortunately for them the men that support Biden only want to date other men. Meanwhile there was a case of a grocery store that did a President Trump sales promotion where it rolled back prices to what they were 6 years ago. Given the backdrop of the country, the court case didn't gain the democrats a single vote and in an cruel twist for progressives probably cost them hundreds of thousands of votes as black and minority voters emphasise with the narrative that the justice system was stacked and rigged from the beginning. One thing certain is that Trump will not be going to jail this year, the appeals process will drag on into next year if he isn't elected before then.
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2024 May 25 - Election Announced

There's an election coming up, and the outcome is almost certainly going to see one of the worst endings of a party, since that get-together that Michael Barrymore had at his swimming pool. The grand announcement came as Rishi Sunak cobbled together a press conference whilst standing out in the pouring rain and ruining a perfectly good suit which is all things considered a pretty good metaphor for his uniquely disastrous and out of touch leadership style. It's also especially bizarre given that ......

2024 May 18 - King Charles Portrait

A new controversial portrait of King Charles was revealed this week which sees the King surrounded by red, in a quasi-modern-art style. Reviews seem to be mixed, although I don't really mind it and it does have the one massive benefit that if the Just Stop Oil protestors ever get near it with a tin of red paint, they won't be able to damage it that much. Personally though, the style of it reminds me a lot of that very brown and beige coloured painting, from Ghostbusters 2. That haunted one that ......

2024 May 12 - Columbia Protests

It's only a month to go until the King Charles banknotes enter circulation and a lot of people are getting excited. Personally I don't get the excitement, most 50 pound notes have had traces of charlie on them for years

There was also the case of the dine and dash couple who attended the first day of their court case. It's a pretty open and shut case, although they might get off on the technicality that, going by how fat they are, they couldn't credibly "dash" anywhere

And it was Eurovision th ......

2024 May 04 - Humza Yousaf Resigns

Humza Yousaf finally did everyone a favour and decided to resign as Scottish First Minister and two notable things stand out: 1) His long list of achievements is actually just a single item of "not being arrested like the last one" and 2) The only people lamenting him stepping down are those on the unionist side of the aisle who will be forever grateful for him personally killing the independence movement for a generation or two. I'm not sure what he's planning to do next although his brother is ......

2024 Apr 27 - London Horses

This week there bizarre scenes after several royal horses, one covered in blood ran amuck around the streets of London. I'm vaguely imagining Rishi Sunak going to have his fortune fortune read, and the old lady turned over a tarot card depicting a bloodied horse running past parliament and him asking if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Big Ben also tolled the wrong number of chimes that day and if it was all indeed a sign of the end of days then it's notable that due to government cutbacks ......

2024 Apr 21 - Meghan's Jam

Meghan Markle launched a new hustle and this time it's a range of jams. The idea presumably arose after they lost the Spotify deal and their accountant said they were in a financial jam, or possibly when they were stuck in a traffic jam trying to gt the airport in LA. Anything, I've not tried any myself, nor have I tried the one that King Charles sells because i think paying a tenner for strawberry jam you could make yourself is utterly bonkers, but the advertisers assure us that it's that's mea ......

2024 Apr 14 - OJ Simpson

OJ Simpson passed away this week at the age of the 76 from cancer and I guess OJ can now finally rest knowing that his wife's killer is dead. In the meantime a spokesperson for prostate cancer has come out and defended his the disease saying that they won't rest until the real killer is found, but for now most of us more interested in seeing what the funeral procession will look like. I'm imagining a hearse slowly driving down the LA freeway. Possibly pulled by horses, or more specifically a wh ......

2024 Apr 07 - News Summary

Greta Thunberg was arrested once more this week, it seems she's back to campaigning for environmental causes, rather than trying to link migration and welfare to her 'save the world' policies. To her credit though, I guess that it would do a lot to shut down the global oil industry if she encouraged the governments of Scandinavia to drain all the millions of skilled workers away from the oil fields.

I've never been quite sure what they're intended to wear when they get to sunny Oslo or Stockhol ......

2024 Mar 31 - News Summary

In business you sometimes hear managers saying that "they'll cross that bridge when they come to it" but that proved to be a disastrous managerial decision in Baltimore this week after a container vessel collided with a major bridge across the city's bay leading to the death of some, and also effectively closing down one of the largest ports on the eastern seaboard. Curiously Joe Biden almost immediately said that the government would pick up the tab to rebuild the bridge, thus eliminating any ......

2024 Mar 24 - Kate has Cancer

After the last few weeks making disparaging fun of Kate Middleton the media this week had to make a u-turn so large it could be seen from space and change their tune faster than an ipod shuffle, after the Princess of Wales revealed that she had cancer. Not something you'd wish on anyone really and of course all thoughts are with the Children, which is why Prince Andrew isn't invited this easter.

If the worst should happen, and the Princess of Wales passes away then I believe the constitutional ......

2024 Mar 17 - Where's Kate?

It seems like it's time to discuss the royal family again. It's been about 2 weeks since I did what I hoped would be a one off but we're still none the wiser as to what is going on behind closed doors, at least unless you go on X/Twitter where the line between news and fan-fiction has become shorter than list of Rishi Sunak's accomplishments.

The royals did try to calm the waters by putting out a photograph of Kate and the children, but then most news agencies spotted that it had extensive and ......

2024 Mar 10 - News Summary

There's a rumour that Spandau Ballet are going to rerelease one of their albums, I hope it's True

It was International Womens Day on Friday, it was supposed to be on Thursday but they took a bit too long getting ready

There was controversy in the news after the discussion of "No Go Zones" in London. As someone who lived there for 10 years, I would probably assume they meant the Angus Steak House at Leicester Square, those American Candy stores on Oxford Street and that Tomb Raider thing up in ......

2024 Mar 03 - Where are the Royals?

Interesting royal news this week as the internet went into overdrive and a vacuum of information was replaced by a sea of misinformation. The king has not been seen for some time and no information has been given about what kind of cancer he has. Personally I believe in privacy when it comes to someone's medical condition, especially if it's of a sensitive nature but according Twitter the reason for the silence is definitely something to do with reptilian aliens and possibly the Rothschild banki ......

2024 Feb 24 - Shamima Begum & New York

There's a story about a a second world war explosive in Plymouth and the police statement says "Corden set to remain around unexploded WW2 bomb" Like many, I'm hoping they mean James Corden and the world can finally be rid of him

There's a report out about divorce and apparently the average age of a lesbian marriage was 5.1 years. It just goes to show that even women find it hard to put up with being married to women.

Talking about women who are difficult to live with, Shamima Begum was in th ......

2024 Feb 18 - News Summary

Radio DJ Steve Wright passed away, so a big shout out to all you florists, you're listening to Steve Wright in the mourning. It is a real shame that life isn't like the radio, otherwise Jeremy Vine would have gone first.

There was tragic violence in Kansas City after a shooting happened at the city's parade to celebrate their recent triumph in the Super Bowl. Luckily the fan dropped the weapon after only a few seconds of play, allowing 2-3 minutes for an adbreak and for the police to presumably ......

2024 Feb 10 - King Charles & Biden

King Charles was diagnosed with Cancer this week. The doctor told him it was the big C and the king looked very despondent before asking whether he'll also be brining that big C of a wife of his. Yes, Harry made a stop back to the UK in order to visit his father, before presumably also going to visit King Charles. Anyway, the royal household hasn't given any details as to what type of cancer it is although it was discovered during a fairly routine prostate operation and so that's one option, bow ......

2024 Feb 03 - News Summary

There was an acid attack in London. I remember witnessing one when I lived there, two gangs, one splashing acid, the other throwing alkali. Fortunately I chose to remain neutral.

There's an article on the BBCs news page about a community center in Yorkshire being constructed using straw stuffed panels for insulation. The headline reads "Should more British homes be built using straw" To which the answer from the wolf is a resounding yes though the 3 Little Pigs remain unconvinced.

Bad news in ......

2024 Jan 28 - Israel Palestine

It's been several weeks since the new year which means that gymns are finally starting to empty out as people once more drop out of their new fitness regime. Personally, my favourite machine at the gymn is the vending machine.

There's not been a huge amount in the news this week although I saw a headline "Shark Swims Ashore in New Jersey" - I didn't know sharks wore jerseys, or any clothing for that matter. That joke is of course also the answer to the question, "What did Delaware"

The ......

2024 Jan 21 - Port Talbot

King Charles went into hospital with a prostate issue. It was meant to be kept private but there must have been a leak.

There's a story here about how AI is going to be used to prevent 3 busses turning up at once, as compared to the old method where the union prevents any busses from turning up whatsoever. I also saw a story about an electric bus catching fire in London which is probably the only time anyone's seen a London bus with the heating on it winter

Another week and some more Jeffrey E ......