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2025 May 03 - News Summary

20250503
Cardinals are traveling to Italy in order to start selecting the new Pope. Always a jester, President Trump threw his hat into the ring put out an AI picture of him in the role, one which he probably would like simply because it's a lifetime appointment although I suspect, knowing his taste in decor and gold and gilding, he'd find the Vatican a tad plain. Anyway, I think the vote starts on Wednesday when they start emanating smoke from that chimney, as the Vatican Bank starts setting fire to financial records.

Theatre news in San Francisco as “Luigi the Musical” is preparing to open. This is a musical comedy about Luigi Mangione, who murdered the UnitedHealthcare CEO, leaving 2 young kids without a father although the producers promise a “bold, campy and unafraid” performance. I'm not sure if the soundtrack will be released as an album although if it is then it will be in the aisle labeled 'criminal records' I once tried writing a musical about my vegetable garden but I couldn't find the plot and I didn't have enough beats.

There was a massive power cut in Spain this week and there's many theories as to what tripped the grid, although my money is on a bunch of girls on holidays all having their hair driers going with the AC turned up to max. When the lights did eventually come on, I was expecting Madeline McCann to jump out and shout "Boo!"

There was also some fairly major elections in England & Wales which saw the legacy parties beaten up fairly badly by the Reform Party and so it was given almost no attention by the BBC who decided to run with Prince Harry's latest interview about how the Royals are baddies and he is just a regular down on his luck millionaire who deserves round the clock security paid for by taxpayers. There's plenty of articles about the various lies the pair of them continue to tell although my favorites would likely be [1] how Megan claimed her passport was taken from her, despite 14 foreign trips with plenty of photos and magazine articles to prove it. Or how we know know they were already negotiating TV deals long before they stepped down. Or how she was apparently turned down from advertising cosmetics because of racism and conspiracy, rather than her just being insufferable. On the other hand, she could both have done a lot of makeup adds, given that she's 2 faced.
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2025 Apr 27 - News Summary

20250427
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2025 Apr 22 - The Pope Passes Away

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I was away over Easter but came back to a text message asking "what is brown and half eaten?" to which the answer is "the Pope's Easter egg." Not so much a pontiff was a pon-stiff and it certainly makes you wonder if Liz Truss was on holiday in Rome, after what happened with her and Queen Elizabeth. In fact it was actually King Charles who'd visited the pope the other week, so maybe he's cursed and if so, then I'd urge him to fly out and try patching things up with Meghan. As to broader conspira ......

2025 Apr 13 - News Summary

20250413
Reviews are in for Meghan Markle's new jam. Some of the words being used are "bitter" "nasty" "stale" "bland" and "sour grapes" although that's just her, apparently the jam is quite tasty.

Russel Brand was finally charged for a number of offenses, in the same week as former snooker champion Game Dott was in the news for interfering with underage girls. He apparently potted a red, a black, and another red before missing an easy yellow and ending up with a break the same age as his alleged girlfr ......

2025 Apr 06 - Trump Tariffs

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Val Kilmer passed away, the actor famous for films like Top Gun, or Batman Forever or as it's now known, Batman Not Forever. For what it's worth I'm not surprised, he was coughing his guts out in Tombstone and that was over 30 yers ago. Anyway, his agent says he's set to star in Heat 2, next week at the crematorium

China has banned cigarette smoking in schools. Luckily for the children though it will still be permitted in the workplace

Marine Le Pen was banned from running for election next ti ......

2025 Mar 30 - News Summary

20250330
There were a couple tragedies this week, with an earthquake in Burma. Amonst the dead were an Elvis impersonator called Amul Shookup. There was also a Russian submarine sinking and apparently Hollywood are looking to make that story into a film entitled, "The Hunt for Someone Sober".

Vice President Vance traveled to Greenland which is in the midst of an argument about whether it wants to be a Danish territory, an independent country, or the 51st US state, presumably with MAGA meaning "Make Ame ......

2025 Mar 23 - George Foreman & Heathrow

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George Foreman passed away, or as he's now presumably known, George Formallyman, and his family have since found a gravestone so good they put his name on it. I actually found out about this news when a friend texted me saying "George Foreman Dead" and I replied back "check the fuse in the plug" And then I realised it was the boxer and my first question was how it happened, like to Jake Paul get paid $50m to beat him up or push him down the stairs

There was a crisis in the world of aviation aft ......

2025 Mar 14 - News Summary

20250314
Manchester United announced plans for a new stadium although given their precarious season this year, I assumed it was a new, far smaller, stadium for when they get relegated. I was also disappointed that designing it wasn't done as a challenge on The Apprentice. I'd love to have seen the contestants make a mess of it and Lord Sugar commenting, "not so much Old Trafford as Old Scaffold"

March 14th marked the anniversary of the death of Kark Marx and many capitalists would like to remind everyo ......

2025 Mar 09 - Ukraine Again

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The long grift that is the Ukraine war headed to Europe this week with Kier Starmer promising to write as many strongly written words as possible and to commit all the generals he has, as long as by general you mean general hopes an generally vague commitments that don't involve any more money or real commitment. I imagine him going on the radio to invoke Churchill, promising that "Other countries shall fight them on the beaches, perhaps the French or Dutch shall fight them on the landing ground ......

2025 Mar 02 - News Summary

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Hollywood legend Gene Hackman died this week. He was famous for playing Lex Luther, or as he's now possibly known, Ex Luther. Either way, we're waiting the results of the autopsy but I think the body will be in the crypt tonight. Many people have discussed the supposed 'curse' of superman. Christopher Reeve spent his later years paralyzed, Richar Pryor got MS, Margot Kidder had mental health issues and Henry Cavill's recent career is a train wreck, but unfortunately not a train wreck where super ......

2025 Feb 22 - News Summary

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In Florida 15 people were injured after a passenger train collided with a fire engine, although I guess at least the fire engine was there to put out the fire. Swings and roundabouts really. There was also another accident after a plane crashed in Toronto, many were quick to blame DEI policies and blame an all-female flight crew which is a very ignorant thing to say because look at how the plane landed upside down, clearly the cause of the accident was DEI policies resulting in an inexperienced ......

2025 Feb 15 - News Summary

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It was Valentines day on Friday and if you were unaware of that fact then I guess that either you were single, or you found out the hard way and now you are now single.

There was yet another tragedy in Germany after a car ran into a crowd of 30 people and the german government was keen to state that there was no evidence that there was a religious motivation, despite the yelling in Arabic and the investigation having to be routinely paused so that the culprit could take time out to pray towards ......

2025 Feb 10 - News Summary

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More nonsense after the Scottish government had to deny that it was planning to ban pet cats for 'environmental' reasons. Personally I'm all for the ban, assuming they mean that awful film with James Corden in it

Grenfell Tower was back in the news after Angela Rayner said that it would finally be demolished. This is 8 years after the fire, although I imagine that Angela spent some of that time checking with lawyers about whether she would be allowed to buy it on expenses and sub let it out.

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2025 Feb 02 - DC Crash

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Idris Elba backed a plan to stop UK knife crime by only selling blunt kitchen knives, he's not the sharpest knife in the box himself.

Wayne Rooney is inn talks to become a pundit on Match of the Day, which I assume will end up with the show being relegated to BBC2 next year.

But this week also saw two major crashes, one was the AI tech stocks and the other was a plane crash in Washington DC although it's easy to get the two stories confused as the government is notoriously staffed by what vote ......

2025 Jan 25 - Trump's First Week Back

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Manchester United's youngest ever player, David Gaskell, died at the age of 84. Certainly if their youngest player was 84 then it explains why they've been playing so badly this week

Prince Harry was in the money after his latest grift netted him £10m off newspaper The Sun and honestly at this stage I wish someone would commission a tv show based on him, where a former royal plays the role of Del Trotter or Arthur Daley, always on the make and up to something. But anyway, £10m That should kee ......

2025 Jan 17 - LA Fire Aftermath

20250117
This week has seen the aftermath of the Los Angeles fire, with people returning to investigate the ruins of their burned out homes and potentially lobbying for the Hollywood Boulevard to be rename the Hollywood Walk of Flame. The fires are mostly contained now although that means it also reached the 2nd depressing stage, the one where burglars come in to loot what's left, although in a twist of irony the one thing that seems to remain in good condition is the stone fireplace.

In other ironic ne ......

2025 Jan 11 - LA Fire

20250111
This week I turned on the TV to see what I thought was a new Roland Emmerich movie, but instead it turned out that Los Angeles was on fire. Now huge swathes of it look like that other Los Angeles movie with Snake Pliskin except now I think about it there's a scene in that one where Kurt Russel goes surfing with Peter Fonda and the water would probably have helped a lot here and at the very least a fictional character wouldn't have been able to make the situation worse, unlike the mayor or the go ......

2025 Jan 06 - News Summary

20250106
In the last week there was pair of terrorist attacks in America, one in New Orleans and the other in Las Vegas. The FBI are putting out the usual story about a lack of a motive, although Coldplay just released some new material so I think that I can figure out what happened. There's not much to joke about really when it comes to tragedies such as these although I looked up the details of the Tesla Cybertruck that exploded in Vegas. It seems that the driver actually lived in Denver Colorado and t ......

2024 Dec 29 - News Summary

20241229
Luigi Mangione, who assassinated the UnitedHealthcare CEO, was in court and decided to go with "not guilty" which was surprising bordering on comically delusional, seeing as it was all on camera. Some expected him to take pride for his twisted left wing manifesto and maybe burst into song about it being the wonderful crime of the year. He's currently being held at the same jail as Diddy and there's some fairly amusing cartoons doing the rounds about the Nintendo character Diddy Kong hanging out ......

2024 Dec 22 - News Summary

20241222
Manchester City have been on a run worse than a Saudi Arabian doctor at a German Christmas Market. This was of course the news that a Saudi national ploughed a car into a Christmas market killing 5 and injuring more than 200 people. Just looking at some of the major news outlets, the attack was blamed on a car, a vehicle, a BWM, a car, an automobile and in one desperate attempt to quell the speculation, the German government tried to suggest the Saudi terrorist was actually a right wing member o ......