2020 Mar 28 - Boris & Coronavirus

It's not often you hear the left wing news media saying something positive about the Prime Minister but this week they were simply reporting that Boris had tested positive for Coronavirus and will therefore be working from home which is pretty convenient as his office, the cabinet room, is just down the hall from his bedroom anyway. You have to admire the irony of Boris having not apparently used enough Johnsons baby wipes to clean his hands, although it does show the dangers of saying things like you'd rather be dead in a ditch than shake hands with Michel Barnier who has also now tested positive for coronavirus.

The virus certainly pays no regard for class or wealth, Prince Charles also tested positive this week and seeing as the name 'corona' derives its name from the latin word for 'crown' you have wonder whether this will be the closest Charles is going to get to a crown. Nonetheless, as with the Prime Minister he's going to be working from home, though I use the word 'working' in the very loosest sense unless he's getting his staff to put ribbons across the doors of the palace for him to cut has he moves about the place.

Elsewhere what's been going on? Russia has just announced their first Coronavirus death. A man presumably by the name of Ivor Chestikov. A man was also put on trial for stealing toilet paper and when asked how he pleaded he replied "not quilty" Oh dear, it appears as if I'm trapped in the midst of a pundemic

Getting back to business I suppose, I should probably save the rest of those terrible jokes for future weeks as it seems this is going to be going on until the summer. In the mean time stay safe and try to stay optimistic. One ray of sunshine I thought was when I heard some civil servant mentioning "ration books" and I thought isn't it wonderful that in spite of the internet, enough people are still reading books that they're going to start having to ration them
Share >>>

Older posts, click on them to expand:

2020 Mar 20 - Coronavirus Update

Another week and another ratcheting up in seriousness for the Coronavirus. For me personally I was affected when my car engine light came on despite it just being serviced but it turned out that it was just the car owner virus

What's been going on around the world then? In the UK London is being put on lockdown with the Queen making a dash for Windsor Castle before the curfew came into affect. Alas most people are not able to relocate from their 1 bedroom flat to a massive mansion in the countr ......

2020 Mar 13 - Coronavirus Gets Serious

If you've been listening to a lot of Dean Martin or Tony Bennett then perhaps you're suffering from Crooner virus but for the rest of the world the Corona Virus decided to level up and let everyone know it means business. And business has indeed been hit hard as the markets collapsing faster than Diane Abbott if she tried running a marathon. The stock market saw 10% day over day drops as politicians urged calm although panic buying's probably the only reliable revenue stream right now for a lot ......

2020 Mar 07 - Coronavirus & Biden/Bernie

Two stories to cover this week, first an update on Coronavirus, or "Covid19" as it's officially called. Don't worry if you missed the first 18th episodes though, they're probably on Netflix. Right now though things are continuing to ratchet up in terms of seriousness and do remember that when you read the official government numbers, you should double them, just as you would if you were quoted the cost of a large government project, or the number of times Prince Andrew claims to have met someone ......

2020 Feb 29 - Coronavirus

There's been quite a few stories about death in the news this week, first I read that the world's oldest man had died and I thought, "poor bloke, that must be the 3rd or 4th time that's happened to him in the last couple of years"

But the big story this week was the continuing escalation of the Coronavirus as it became the most viral thing to come out of Asia since that Gangnam Style youtube video a couple of years ago. The World Health Organisation upgraded the risk to "very high" and the numb ......

2020 Feb 22 - Democratic Primary

This weekend in America it's the next round of the Democratic selection process and at the time of recording, I can't tell who's going to win because predicting the future is not a superpower that I possess. And if I could have any superpower? That would probably be the Roman Empire in the 2rd century. Let's take a quick look at the 5 main candidates though

1) Joe Biden - He's the candidate that the establishment are hoping gets the nomination. He's Obama's old VP, has decades of experience, he ......

2020 Feb 14 - Sajid Javid Resigns

Happy Valentines day, or for those with breathing difficulty, happy ventolins day and to those who are especially thrifty, it's just a day or two until the shops are selling chocolate at a heavily reduced price! In Westminster though it's been a bit of a Valentines Day Massacre though with Boris acting like Al Capone with a reshuffle. Actually, in that analogy, it's probably Dominic Cumming's who's the mob boss because for a Brexit-voting country that voted to get rid of unelected busybodies, th ......

2020 Feb 08 - Great Week for Trump

Two major news stories to come out of America this week leaving president Trump happier than that time that he found a loophole saying he didn't have to hire any of the idiots on that tv show of his.

The first main story was the acquittal in the senate impeachment trial, much as that result was never in any doubt, I've seen romantic comedies with more twists and suspense, joking of course because I don't want those sorts of films. At no point did anyone expect Adam Schiff to turn around like ......

2020 Feb 01 - Brexit is Done

Well Britain is finally rid of the EU and so depending what side you're on it's either time to open some sparkling wine, or start opening up those hundreds of tins of canned food that the BBC warned you'd need to stock up on. Either way it's better than the old diet where you have nothing but Brussels and keep losing pounds, billions of them. Talking about tinned goods though, it would actually be fairly ironic if the Coronavirus became a global pandemic and the stockpiling thing turned out to h ......

2020 Jan 26 - Chinese Coronavirus

This weekend the Chinese New Year and it's the year of the rat and to celebrate the Chinese have done what they do best, copied things from the West, and have taken the whole rat motif to a new level by having a plague, just like Europe did back in the 14th century with all the rats. Yes, it's not so much Kung Fu so much as Kung Flu, as the coronavirus looks set to kill upwards of a hundred thousand people which are the death numbers you more associate with factory workers at an iPhone factory a ......

2020 Jan 17 - Vladimir Putin Beyond 2024?

One of the shorter articles on Wikipedia, is the page listing Russian Presidents, it's only got 4 entries on it and two of them same guy. At the time of writing, there's the same number of Russian Presidents alive today as there are members of The Beatles.

Vladimir Putin is no Fool On The Hill though and he's very aware that he's running out of constitutional loopholes to keep him in power so he's decided to play the classic autocracy play of convincing people that he should be able to rewrite ......

2020 Jan 10 - Prince Harry Resigns

Royal news this week as Prince Harry announced that he and his wife are as fed up with the tabloids as the rest of us, and want to resign from royal life although it's unclear at this stage whether he will be changing his name to "formally known as prince" like the singer or similarly swapping his signature to a strange symbol. I imagine that official calligraphers and people involved with heraldry are more concerned about their job than whoever ends up getting the new job in charge of Iran's mi ......

2020 Jan 04 - Australian Wildfires

It's 2020, a new year, and a lot of people have a new years resolution to stop drinking for January but it seems that the country of Australia have massively misunderstood what the term 'Dry January' means as a tinderbox of dry undergrowth has contributed to some of the worst wildfires in recent history. Looking over the headline claims there's death, hundreds of millions of dollars of damage, vast clouds of smoke visible from space and scenes resembling something out of Mad Max. Certainly this ......

2019 Dec 21 - Trump Impeachment

I thought this week we'd turn from Brexit to take a look at the President Trump impeachment story, at least until the new year. On the subject of the new year, one of the people I'm hoping to see recognised in the new year honours list is Jeremy Corbyn for services to the Conservative Party.

Anyway, the impeachment story, or saga, or mess, or as it will probably later be known: that time President Trump's opponents alienated enough people that they all but guaranteed his re-election. It's reall ......

2019 Dec 14 - Election Aftermath and the Labour Party

Boris Johnson has been re-elected and Jeremy Corbyn has resigned after being shown to be as popular on the doorstep as that childhood joke where you set fire to a paper bag with a dog poop in it. I thought this week I'd look at the online Labour reaction, using the 7 stages of grief framework.

1) Shock
When the BBC Exit poll first came out, people were astonished, to see something on the BBC saying something positive about the Conservative Party. It was surreal, like watching an episode of Th ......

2019 Dec 08 - UK Election a Few Days Away

It's been a very busy time of year for letterboxes, between the Christmas Cards, the election pamphlets as well as the usual assortment of local takeaway menus. Those places are presumably hoping to cash in on people burning their Christmas dinner and order in pizza, chicken wings and lamb kofta.

Those pamphlets though, there's only a couple more of them to come as it's just the last final couple of days before the election and I imagine for MPs it must feel a bit like being back at school a ......

2019 Dec 01 - London Bridge Attack

Carnage this week in London, at least that's what a lot of Arsenal fans will be saying down the pub, after the sacking of Unai Emery after 18 months of abysmal managerial malaise that made Leanne Wood look like Queen Victoria. David Cameron hasn't made a comment on that story, though it's probably because he can't remember if that's one of the teams he claims to support or not.

But the big story of course this week was of course a different kind of arsenal, the kind that armed police carry on t ......

2019 Nov 23 - Prince Andrew Interview

It was a quite extraordinary set of events this week after Prince Andrew decided to put an end to whispers and internet chatter by giving a full interview about his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein and it turned out to be probably the 2nd worst car crash in royal history. I'd go so far as to say it was actually more cringeworthy tv than that bizarre Royal Family edition of Its A Knockout that Andy and Edward conjured up back in the 80s.

If I was talking to you from a stage, I might ask anyone ......

2019 Nov 16 - Bad Election Week for Labour

I always have a bit of a laugh looking up the latest headlines and seeing what nonsense the BBCs website considers news. Example, "Could invisible barcode revolutionise recycling?" to which of course the answer is "could I care less?" Well the apparently the answer is yes I could care less about certain things, namely the ins and outs of the Labour Party manifesto because thanks to an week of political ineptitude, it has about as much chance of becoming reality as that dream I had where a Zebra ......

2019 Nov 09 - John Bercow's Gone

The UK election about a month away and the chosen date (December 12th) is Frank Sinatra's birthday so depending on the result it will either be a case of "That's Life" or "Send in the Clowns" or perhaps Jeremy Corbyn will win in which case it's a case of "Fly me to the Moon"

But for voters in Buckingham, it's an especially exciting election because local MP and Speaker of the House John Bercow is stepping down so they actually get to vote in his constituency for the first time in a decade. Berc ......