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2024 Jun 02 - Trump Guilty Verdict
This week a jury decided that Donald Trump might be the first criminal to be voted in as president if he wins in November, or at least he would be the first politician to be voted in *after* they got caught. There's lots of examples of people who got away with it but as a basic one Bill Clinton did the exact same thing as Trump when he paid Paula Jones $850,000 to drop a sexual harassment lawsuit and that is of course s the tip an exceedingly large iceberg. I say iceberg, but it's more like an island, that belonged to Jeffrey Epstein. There are also roughly 100 people who worked closely with Bill and Hilary who have since died from a suicide or an accident. I don't want to get too 'tinfoil hat' but 9 of the police officers involved in the Anthony Wiener investigation, all went on to kill themselves afterwards. If we're kicking around other names, remember when Dick Cheney shot someone, or how George Bush's wife killed someone in the 60s? Or
Let's talk about the Trump court case though and why the result will be overturned on appeal
1) The judge overseeing the trial gave money to a pro-Biden political organisation, a plain violation of NY law.
2) The crux of the case comes down to quite an obscure piece of logic, alleging that the falsification of business records was committed "with intent to commit another crime" but refused in court to specify what that crime was. That goes against numerous rules, mainly the one where you have to tell the defence what the accusations are.
3) The Jury supposedly was made up of 12 people who may or may not have voted in the previous election in 2020, yet somehow come to this with an open mind. If you look through the records, one even claimed in the jury selection process that they were a member of the social media site Trump Social, in fact that was part of the claim that the jury was a mix of both sides. I'll personally wager money that at some point in the next 10 years that person accidentally reveals that to have been a lie to get on the jury and winds up facing perjury charges. In America, unlike in the UK, it is completely legal for jury members to discuss the trial and write books about it. One of them will slip up, as sometimes happens, and overturn it as a mistrial.
But I digress, none of this matters of course and nor will it in this case. Trump's poll ratings jumped 6% on the news of the guilty verdict and he raised $39m in one day, while Joe Biden showed up in Philadelphia to a rally attended by less than 100 people, in what is a crucial swing state this November. It's a shame because Biden has a lot of achievements to his name: The standard of living for Ukrainian politicians is up 200% and more women of colour than ever before are getting the chance to pilot the drones that attack children in Yemen and Syria. There was an interesting poll in the newspaper that claimed that young American women don't want to date men who plan to vote for Trump, although unfortunately for them the men that support Biden only want to date other men. Meanwhile there was a case of a grocery store that did a President Trump sales promotion where it rolled back prices to what they were 6 years ago. Given the backdrop of the country, the court case didn't gain the democrats a single vote and in an cruel twist for progressives probably cost them hundreds of thousands of votes as black and minority voters emphasise with the narrative that the justice system was stacked and rigged from the beginning. One thing certain is that Trump will not be going to jail this year, the appeals process will drag on into next year if he isn't elected before then.
This week a jury decided that Donald Trump might be the first criminal to be voted in as president if he wins in November, or at least he would be the first politician to be voted in *after* they got caught. There's lots of examples of people who got away with it but as a basic one Bill Clinton did the exact same thing as Trump when he paid Paula Jones $850,000 to drop a sexual harassment lawsuit and that is of course s the tip an exceedingly large iceberg. I say iceberg, but it's more like an i ......
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2024 May 25 - Election Announced
There's an election coming up, and the outcome is almost certainly going to see one of the worst endings of a party, since that get-together that Michael Barrymore had at his swimming pool. The grand announcement came as Rishi Sunak cobbled together a press conference whilst standing out in the pouring rain and ruining a perfectly good suit which is all things considered a pretty good metaphor for his uniquely disastrous and out of touch leadership style. It's also especially bizarre given that he was the one that as chancellor would have signed off on the invoice to construct that purpose built media center at number 9 Downing Street. That's the press room that's inside. One can only imagine that it was maybe double booked that morning owing to yet another IT screwup, or maybe it was still strewn with empty bottles of wine from Tesco and Rishi thought it would therefore remind people of the better times when Boris was in charge. I say "better" but not a lot has changed really, inflation is still horrible and energy prices are still artificially high due to the Net Zero stuff that China and India don't give a monkeys about. Although at least under Boris' watch the news could normally be relied on to end with one of those "and finally" comedy stories, typically about which one of Nicola Sturgeon's friends and family were being investigated by the police.
Longer term viewers of the channel will be aware that I typically go away for a month's holiday every summer and this year is no exception, I'm booking my flights this weekend to minimise any chance of seeing Kier Starmer on the television. For those also looking to book summer sojourn you could try France - right now you get €1.17 to the pound, there's a free boat home leaving Calais every night just after the pubs kick out, and the home office free hotel of choice is a travel tavern outside Hastings, although if Kier wins then you get upgraded to a 4-star Marriott outside Sevenoaks.
Also in the news:
Film maker Morgan Spurlock passed away, and the grim reaper has a new documentary out about it, called Super Scythe me. I'm imagining Morgan getting a tour of the afterlife and the devil tries to scare him with some flaming magma, but Morgan says it's not too bad and that he had to endure those piping hot Mc Apple Pies for a month.
Up in the sky, there was yet another near miss from a Boeing plane after one briefly dropped several thousand feet and narrowly avoided disaster. There's a terrifying iPhone video online of the passengers and hand luggage being thrown all over the cabin and Boeing officials were quick to blame simple old-fashioned "turbulence" although I'm surprised they didn't blame the Singapore Airline's CEO who promised shareholders he'd shake things up this year.
There was a diplomatic row afer Ireland, Spain and Norway decided to formally recognise Palestine as a state. I'm not sure why this is news, most of us have seen the pictures and the place certainly looks like it's a right state these days.
There's an election coming up, and the outcome is almost certainly going to see one of the worst endings of a party, since that get-together that Michael Barrymore had at his swimming pool. The grand announcement came as Rishi Sunak cobbled together a press conference whilst standing out in the pouring rain and ruining a perfectly good suit which is all things considered a pretty good metaphor for his uniquely disastrous and out of touch leadership style. It's also especially bizarre given that ......
2024 May 18 - King Charles Portrait
A new controversial portrait of King Charles was revealed this week which sees the King surrounded by red, in a quasi-modern-art style. Reviews seem to be mixed, although I don't really mind it and it does have the one massive benefit that if the Just Stop Oil protestors ever get near it with a tin of red paint, they won't be able to damage it that much. Personally though, the style of it reminds me a lot of that very brown and beige coloured painting, from Ghostbusters 2. That haunted one that tried to kill people and take over the world, although maybe the plan is to stick it somewhere next to an old haunted painting of Queen Victoria or something.
Talking about the king, this week he also discussed his recent struggles with the cancer diagnoses and revealed that the treatment has cost him his sense of taste. I don't think losing his sense of taste comes as a surprise to anyone, I mean this is the man that left Princess Diana for Camilla.
In other news, Slovakian Prime Minister Robert Fico was shot this week and authorities say he's "Not out of the woods yet" That's pretty shocking, it's been several days now and the ambulance is still stuck on some forest track in a wood somewhere? And you thought the NHS had problems.
Magician David Copperfield has been accused of doing a number of bad things with ladies, and we're not talking about the time he sawed that one in half. One of the girls was only 15 at the time so it's not really a joking matter, although I can't help but crack the observation that he might finally have go go to court and reveal his secrets.
Meghan Markle was in Nigeria and gave a motivational speech to a group of teenage schoolgirls, saying "I see myself in all of you" I'm going to be honest, I'm pretty sure she stole that line from one of Prince Andrew's old chat up routines.
A new controversial portrait of King Charles was revealed this week which sees the King surrounded by red, in a quasi-modern-art style. Reviews seem to be mixed, although I don't really mind it and it does have the one massive benefit that if the Just Stop Oil protestors ever get near it with a tin of red paint, they won't be able to damage it that much. Personally though, the style of it reminds me a lot of that very brown and beige coloured painting, from Ghostbusters 2. That haunted one that ......
2024 May 12 - Columbia Protests
It's only a month to go until the King Charles banknotes enter circulation and a lot of people are getting excited. Personally I don't get the excitement, most 50 pound notes have had traces of charlie on them for years
There was also the case of the dine and dash couple who attended the first day of their court case. It's a pretty open and shut case, although they might get off on the technicality that, going by how fat they are, they couldn't credibly "dash" anywhere
And it was Eurovision this week. Maybe were surprised that the Israeli entry wasn't a cover of the 1969 hit Boom-Bang-A-Bang. I saw someone online saying that that they'd rather have a Palestinian entry in the competition, so I pointed out that it wasn't a great idea, given Hammas' recent track record when it came to music festivals.
The focus of the conflict there recently moved to US universities where the last week or two have seen a number of angry student protests in the news. One of the more high profile examples was at Columbia, where students decided to occupy part of the campus, vandalising it and demanding an immediate end to the war, which is quite strange given that the university hasn't fired a single shot in the conflict, nor is it involved with US arms exports. You may as well protest the war by refusing to eat toast unless it's cut into triangles. It is of course worth noting that as usual, this is a story that was blown somewhat out of proportion by the media, the anarchy depicted on 24h news is actually about 2300 students, out of 15m college kids and about half of them turned out to not even be students. Perhaps it's a DEI thing though, and the angry people with too much time on their hands self-identify as students, as well as gender, and of course it all makes about as much sense as if identified as a bus. At least the last of those would make partial sense, I could use that empty lane when I drive to work without worrying about getting a fine in the mail. On the other hand, these protests are quite humorous in places, there's compilations of graffiti where they've mis-spelled the word 'Palestine' and are demanding that the college provide "humanitarian aid" because they're a bit hungry. I actually saw an alleged hunger strike in New York where 3 students hadn't eaten anything for 6 hours and were already demanding medical oversight, trauma councilling and threatening to sue. I could make a comparison to the Indian or Irish hunger strikes and the genuine struggle those people went through but it's quite depressing and I'm getting on a bit here so let's end with a joke. What's the difference between Alice in Wonderland and Bobby Sands. Alice got out the Maze.
It's only a month to go until the King Charles banknotes enter circulation and a lot of people are getting excited. Personally I don't get the excitement, most 50 pound notes have had traces of charlie on them for years
There was also the case of the dine and dash couple who attended the first day of their court case. It's a pretty open and shut case, although they might get off on the technicality that, going by how fat they are, they couldn't credibly "dash" anywhere
And it was Eurovision th ......
2024 May 04 - Humza Yousaf Resigns
Humza Yousaf finally did everyone a favour and decided to resign as Scottish First Minister and two notable things stand out: 1) His long list of achievements is actually just a single item of "not being arrested like the last one" and 2) The only people lamenting him stepping down are those on the unionist side of the aisle who will be forever grateful for him personally killing the independence movement for a generation or two. I'm not sure what he's planning to do next although his brother is currently facing charges of drug dealing so there's probably job going spare in the gang there if he wants to switch careers. It would be interesting to see him somehow take a profitable drug dealing empire and incompetently run it into the ground with mounting financial losses.
The question of what he'll do next is a legitimately interesting one. Most failed politicians are at least liked by some portion of the electorate and have enough contacts and career experience to pursue something in the private sector, yet he has none of that. He's too young to be offered a seat on a board of directors and no serious business would want to be associated with him anyway. Nor does he have any long term clout or reputation to cash in: say what you will about Nicola Sturgeon, if she avoids prison she will very quickly pick up some kind of (quite well paying) academic position overseas talking about her 20 or so year's experience at the top of the tree. Even Gordon Brown for all his faults was still respected enough to front charity work and talk about his 10 years as chancellor. Things don't look rosy for Humza and his chances of getting a decent job are certainly not helped by the Scottish job market imploding due to his own policies of raising taxes and forcing businesses to move south of the border.
It's at this point I should probably add a personal note which is that I went to the same school as him and from what I can tell from wikipedia, I must have been in the year above him, and yet I never heard of him until 2 or 3 years ago, I don't remember him from prizegivings or chess club or the like. He seems like the sort of middling person who simply got ok-ish grades and whilst others went on to pursue high flying careers, he spotted that a lot of nationalist politicians were quite keen to insist that they weren't in racist, despite it fact being a key component of the the SNP's manifesto. It's the equivalent of a bloke in the pub saying one of his *best friends* is an ethnic minority so he can't possibly be a bigot, despite being actively lifted out of said pub by the police for shouting racial obscenities. That bloke may well even have been Alex Salmond, he's done far crazier things on his drunken adventures, as anyone who's seen him stumbling around on an East Coast train will testify; although I guess Banffshire to London is a 10 hour train ride and the drinks trolley is on expenses. Anyway, needless to say Humza leaves with a depressingly large pension that few of us will ever get, although he can't claim it for decades and will presumably have to do something to make ends meet. Perhaps he could become a social media star and start a YouTube or TikTok channel. Maybe do one of those unboxing videos, where he empties a ballot box and realises that the contents are all the votes are for the Labour party candidate and not him.
Humza Yousaf finally did everyone a favour and decided to resign as Scottish First Minister and two notable things stand out: 1) His long list of achievements is actually just a single item of "not being arrested like the last one" and 2) The only people lamenting him stepping down are those on the unionist side of the aisle who will be forever grateful for him personally killing the independence movement for a generation or two. I'm not sure what he's planning to do next although his brother is ......
2024 Apr 27 - London Horses
This week there bizarre scenes after several royal horses, one covered in blood ran amuck around the streets of London. I'm vaguely imagining Rishi Sunak going to have his fortune fortune read, and the old lady turned over a tarot card depicting a bloodied horse running past parliament and him asking if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Big Ben also tolled the wrong number of chimes that day and if it was all indeed a sign of the end of days then it's notable that due to government cutbacks the news only showed images of half the required numbers of horses of the apocalypse.
If Rishi is short of a few quid then he could have done worse than to pop into the bookies and put some dosh down on the grey one to win. Personally, I don't know much about horses and I once asked a friend if he knew anything about Shetland Ponies, and he responded "Very Little"
As to these royal horses the London Household Cavalry says that they're in a stable condition, or maybe they're just in a stable, it's unclear what they meant. Hopefully they'll make a recovery and next be seen after they're promoted to the royal engineers, seeing as they clearly skilled at making a bolt. And if not then I guess you or I will be able to see them at B&Q in that aisle where they sell floor adhesive.
This week there bizarre scenes after several royal horses, one covered in blood ran amuck around the streets of London. I'm vaguely imagining Rishi Sunak going to have his fortune fortune read, and the old lady turned over a tarot card depicting a bloodied horse running past parliament and him asking if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Big Ben also tolled the wrong number of chimes that day and if it was all indeed a sign of the end of days then it's notable that due to government cutbacks ......
2024 Apr 21 - Meghan's Jam
Meghan Markle launched a new hustle and this time it's a range of jams. The idea presumably arose after they lost the Spotify deal and their accountant said they were in a financial jam, or possibly when they were stuck in a traffic jam trying to gt the airport in LA. Anything, I've not tried any myself, nor have I tried the one that King Charles sells because i think paying a tenner for strawberry jam you could make yourself is utterly bonkers, but the advertisers assure us that it's that's meant for everyday normal middle class people, just like her, after they get home from the private polo or before they fly out to Tuscany on a private jet. At least with Harry's book you could pick it up in the charity bin and use it prop a door open with, although I guess if it ends up on the clearance aisle, you could use it to trap wasps.
In New York they chose the jurors for Donald Trump's show trial. It makes you wonder if the city was importing in the tens of thousand of illegal aliens, simply to try to assemble a jury of 12 people who didn't vote last time or have any preconceived ideas going into the trial. We've been given a few details such as Juror 8 lives on the upper east side, is retired, and watches CNBC. Apparently juror 5 is a teacher who gets her news from google and tiktok. Given the state of affairs I'm not sure whether an teacher choosing to trust tiktok over other sources is a good thing or a bad thing, although my money is on the thing being a mistrial or a hung jury, and thus being a $50m waste of money that will achieve nothing other than possibly guaranteeing him a win in November's election. In the mean time a man set himself on fire outside the court house as part of a bizarre protest. It's not the first time that someone got badly burned when Trump came to town, but normally it's a building contractor or something.
Meghan Markle launched a new hustle and this time it's a range of jams. The idea presumably arose after they lost the Spotify deal and their accountant said they were in a financial jam, or possibly when they were stuck in a traffic jam trying to gt the airport in LA. Anything, I've not tried any myself, nor have I tried the one that King Charles sells because i think paying a tenner for strawberry jam you could make yourself is utterly bonkers, but the advertisers assure us that it's that's mea ......
2024 Apr 14 - OJ Simpson
OJ Simpson passed away this week at the age of the 76 from cancer and I guess OJ can now finally rest knowing that his wife's killer is dead. In the meantime a spokesperson for prostate cancer has come out and defended his the disease saying that they won't rest until the real killer is found, but for now most of us more interested in seeing what the funeral procession will look like. I'm imagining a hearse slowly driving down the LA freeway. Possibly pulled by horses, or more specifically a white bronco, with a slow driving police entourage.
Angela Rayner has also remained in the news with her slow burning financial scandal trundling along and the general consensus is that she's unlikely to resign being that everyone's at it anyway and that the party is likely to be re-elected anyway so why would she walk away from the possibility of a 6-figure job and expense account falling into her lap before the end of the year. The law's a funny old thing, I had a friend from college who had a nice house and a decent job until he got involved in drugs, and now he has has a mansion, 4 acres of land and drives a Bentley. And I guess that's what makes the Angela Rayner story worse: if she'd intended to break the law then there's far more safe lucrative ways to do it than becoming a Shadow Secretary of State. But that's the sort of joined thinking that gets us to the place where the government has a website dedicated to healthy living, yet the very first thing that pops up is a message telling you to accept cookies.
And finally I was about to talk about that Iranian attack on Israel but all seems to be well for now seeing as Israel shot down 99% of the incoming missiles. I'm pretty sure Alec Baldwin had a better hit ratio on his last film shoot.
OJ Simpson passed away this week at the age of the 76 from cancer and I guess OJ can now finally rest knowing that his wife's killer is dead. In the meantime a spokesperson for prostate cancer has come out and defended his the disease saying that they won't rest until the real killer is found, but for now most of us more interested in seeing what the funeral procession will look like. I'm imagining a hearse slowly driving down the LA freeway. Possibly pulled by horses, or more specifically a wh ......
2024 Apr 07 - News Summary
Greta Thunberg was arrested once more this week, it seems she's back to campaigning for environmental causes, rather than trying to link migration and welfare to her 'save the world' policies. To her credit though, I guess that it would do a lot to shut down the global oil industry if she encouraged the governments of Scandinavia to drain all the millions of skilled workers away from the oil fields.
I've never been quite sure what they're intended to wear when they get to sunny Oslo or Stockholm. I mean fur clothing is out, but then even fake furs and polymer clothing is bad for people, one time when I had on a winter coat I had to tell a green activist that "The dinosaurs killed to make the oil were all killed very humanely: by that huge massive meteorite" There's probably also a joke in there about Stockholm Syndrome but I'll save that for another day although I did see a story about a muslim cleric in the news this week, apparently proclaiming that women should be banned from watching or attending men's football. Although given the state of a couple of teams like Everton or Chelsea, sometimes those extremists have a bit of a point.
Elsewhere the Ukraine diplomacy story has taken a farcical turn, after the West asked them to stop attacking Russian fuel depots and oil refineries, and to presumably focus on killing people. This is all due to it being an election year and Russia remaining one of the largest oil exporters in the world, despite everyone lying about sanctions on oil imports. There's a fairly similar story out of the Middle East where Joe Biden really wants a ceasefire, not so that people stop being killed, but again simply so that oil prices will go down and thus lower the price of a tank of petrol in time for election day. Or at least that's what his advisers want. I can hardly see the president tracking oil futures, although I can see him maybe passing a law to ban fracking because he thought it was a curse word.
Greta Thunberg was arrested once more this week, it seems she's back to campaigning for environmental causes, rather than trying to link migration and welfare to her 'save the world' policies. To her credit though, I guess that it would do a lot to shut down the global oil industry if she encouraged the governments of Scandinavia to drain all the millions of skilled workers away from the oil fields.
I've never been quite sure what they're intended to wear when they get to sunny Oslo or Stockhol ......
2024 Mar 31 - News Summary
In business you sometimes hear managers saying that "they'll cross that bridge when they come to it" but that proved to be a disastrous managerial decision in Baltimore this week after a container vessel collided with a major bridge across the city's bay leading to the death of some, and also effectively closing down one of the largest ports on the eastern seaboard. Curiously Joe Biden almost immediately said that the government would pick up the tab to rebuild the bridge, thus eliminating any need for any pesky investigation by the insurance companies. Almost as if there was something hide in corruption-ridden Baltimore which is a democratic stronghold in an election year. The last time I was in Baltimore was about 3 years ago, it's actually a really decent place to visit if you're flying into the US. The aquarium they have is genuinely world class, although one piece of advice to visitors: they really don't like you fishing in there.
The clocks changed in the UK this week which means you lose an hour in bed, but on the plus side it means the month probably loses an inch or two of rain. It also means the clock on tens of thousands of ovens is now correct again. Although then on the downside, that and Easter are more excuses for the council to not collect your bins. A friend of mine was recently complaining to me about this subject so I pointed out his council actually listed a number for a "refuse collections department" I just bought a new bin for the kitchen a few months back but it didn't work, it was a a rubbish bin.
The rats continue to flee the sinking ship of Rishi Sunak's party with a mini-reshuffle following Robert Halfon deciding to quit the cabinet and then also announce that he's standing down as an MP. Ah well, a friend of mine once said when one door shuts another one opens. I think he's still trying to sell that Skoda, best of luck...
In business you sometimes hear managers saying that "they'll cross that bridge when they come to it" but that proved to be a disastrous managerial decision in Baltimore this week after a container vessel collided with a major bridge across the city's bay leading to the death of some, and also effectively closing down one of the largest ports on the eastern seaboard. Curiously Joe Biden almost immediately said that the government would pick up the tab to rebuild the bridge, thus eliminating any ......
2024 Mar 24 - Kate has Cancer
After the last few weeks making disparaging fun of Kate Middleton the media this week had to make a u-turn so large it could be seen from space and change their tune faster than an ipod shuffle, after the Princess of Wales revealed that she had cancer. Not something you'd wish on anyone really and of course all thoughts are with the Children, which is why Prince Andrew isn't invited this easter.
If the worst should happen, and the Princess of Wales passes away then I believe the constitutional process is to invite Elton John to rerelease a song, and in this case I'd recommend his 1976 hit "Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word" although I suspect that it will have competition in the charts from Meghan Markle singing "I'm still Standing" and in a press release The Duke and Duchess of Sussex wish it to be known that they fully support their name to be mentioned over as many times as possible in the press during the harrowing weeks and months ahead.
I will say it's remarkable how easy it is to get instant NHS care if you know the right people, good luck getting an oncologist that quickly if you're you or I. Just like how the NHS is supposedly short of cash, yet it has money spare to pay for a hospital in Gaza. There were developments in that Middle East story this week when ISIS bombed a music venue, oh wait no, it hit target in Moscow. That's quite odd really, they seem to be unable to attack Israel which is right there, yet managed to travel thousands of miles to attack a country that's largely supported the muslim side in the last half century of conflicts. Almost as if it was actually someone else with a grievance against Russia who wanted to disavow responsibility and just blame the ISIS boogeyman...
Wales decided to join Scotland by appointing an ethnic minority as its first minister, although to be fair Wales must be given credit for being the first home nation to put someone mentally incompetent in charge of the place. A friend of mine decided to ask me what the leaders of England, Scotland and Wales all have in common so I decided to quash his racist answer by answering simply that "none of them were elected by the public." Meanwhile in Canada, Justin Trudeau has just introduced legislation to delay the election that will kick him out. I once went to a Buffet restaurant in the north west of Canada, it was all Yukon eat
After the last few weeks making disparaging fun of Kate Middleton the media this week had to make a u-turn so large it could be seen from space and change their tune faster than an ipod shuffle, after the Princess of Wales revealed that she had cancer. Not something you'd wish on anyone really and of course all thoughts are with the Children, which is why Prince Andrew isn't invited this easter.
If the worst should happen, and the Princess of Wales passes away then I believe the constitutional ......
2024 Mar 17 - Where's Kate?
It seems like it's time to discuss the royal family again. It's been about 2 weeks since I did what I hoped would be a one off but we're still none the wiser as to what is going on behind closed doors, at least unless you go on X/Twitter where the line between news and fan-fiction has become shorter than list of Rishi Sunak's accomplishments.
The royals did try to calm the waters by putting out a photograph of Kate and the children, but then most news agencies spotted that it had extensive and sloppy Photoshop work done on it, so thus raising more questions than answers. In all honesty, it could have been far worse, when people saw the headline about the kids being touched up by a senior royal most of us were wonderring where Prince Andrew was.
It really is worth restating that she's likely at home recovering from painful surgery that leaves her unable to move very easily, and I'll be the first to admit that I've never once sent a Christmas card photo of the kids that didn't involve half an hour or editing. Between the photoshop and the temper tantrums, there is very little difference between a 4 year old and a Hollywood star. But as I said the internet is willing to provide all sorts of possible alternative scenarios. Most of these involve Rose Hanburry who the non-UK media openly discuss as being a William's mistress, because he's the Prince of Wales and it all worked out so well for his father. Other theories involve murder and money and I will say that if it turns out that Kate is buried at the end of the garden then at least they didn't have to ruin a perfectly good Mercedes this time around. It's also interesting to note that the people seemingly most interested in the gossip are those who normally claim to have no interest whatsoever in the national soap opera. I have a friend from Liverpool who's very anti-monarchy and regular talks about how he refuses to sing the national anthem because it's pledging allegiance to a bunch of self-important entitled people we all have to pay money for. And yet he also explains that whilst wearing a £100 football shirt, after spending even more money to go along to Anfield every other weekend and spend 2 hours singing songs to celebrate a bunch of diva prima donnas, some of whom are also of german descent.
There's also the Russian election and the government is saying that there's evidence of electoral interference, as evidenced by Putin receiving less than 95% of the vote in some regions.
Shigeichi Negishi, the Inventor of Karaoke, died at the age of 100. I'd like to think that his last words were a rendition of a Frank Sinatra song, possibly "I did it my way" and I'll also assume that at the time he was with his sister Cally Oke, brother Barry Oke and children Larry and Vari Oke.
It seems like it's time to discuss the royal family again. It's been about 2 weeks since I did what I hoped would be a one off but we're still none the wiser as to what is going on behind closed doors, at least unless you go on X/Twitter where the line between news and fan-fiction has become shorter than list of Rishi Sunak's accomplishments.
The royals did try to calm the waters by putting out a photograph of Kate and the children, but then most news agencies spotted that it had extensive and ......
2024 Mar 10 - News Summary
There's a rumour that Spandau Ballet are going to rerelease one of their albums, I hope it's True
It was International Womens Day on Friday, it was supposed to be on Thursday but they took a bit too long getting ready
There was controversy in the news after the discussion of "No Go Zones" in London. As someone who lived there for 10 years, I would probably assume they meant the Angus Steak House at Leicester Square, those American Candy stores on Oxford Street and that Tomb Raider thing up in Camden Market
Rupert Murdoch is getting married yet again, this time to a 67 year of Biochemist. Guests are asked to come dressed in a morning suit, but to also pack a mourning suit just in case.
There was a budget, not that many people cared to watch Rishi and Hunt shifting around the deckchairs on the titanic. I saw a lot of the papers published a photograph of them in a office with a book shelf lined with leather books and in all honesty it reminded me of those fake bookshelves you get in a pub where none of them are actual books that get read. The whole situation looks like watching a game of football and it's 5-0 but they're contractually obliged to hang around for the next 15 minutes until the ref blows the whistle.
It's far worse however in the US where Joe Biden got popped up with medication and went on an angry unhinged gaffe-laden rant at the state of the union address. It remains unclear which president finished their tenure with more brain left intact, Biden, or Kennedy. Unfortunately in a blow to democrats, the US supreme court rules this week that the public will in fact be allowed to vote for their favourite candidates in Novembers, even if the states think that it's a terrible idea
I was also going to talk about Boeing this week (hence the drawing) but John Oliver just did it far better than I could. Link in the description I guess.
There's a rumour that Spandau Ballet are going to rerelease one of their albums, I hope it's True
It was International Womens Day on Friday, it was supposed to be on Thursday but they took a bit too long getting ready
There was controversy in the news after the discussion of "No Go Zones" in London. As someone who lived there for 10 years, I would probably assume they meant the Angus Steak House at Leicester Square, those American Candy stores on Oxford Street and that Tomb Raider thing up in ......
2024 Mar 03 - Where are the Royals?
Interesting royal news this week as the internet went into overdrive and a vacuum of information was replaced by a sea of misinformation. The king has not been seen for some time and no information has been given about what kind of cancer he has. Personally I believe in privacy when it comes to someone's medical condition, especially if it's of a sensitive nature but according Twitter the reason for the silence is definitely something to do with reptilian aliens and possibly the Rothschild banking family.
Talking of which, Jacob Rothschild died this last week. He's the person that supposedly controls alls the banks in Europe and whose family scripted the entire 20th century, he's also the person that Mr Burns in the Simpsons is supposedly drawn to resemble. There are videos on TikTok explaining how is death was secretly announced several days earlier when 2 black horses were seen riding down the mall this week, it's also supposedly something to do with masonic numerology, although the number that really sticks out to me is 87. He was 87 years old and people dying of old age is relatively common and absolutely nothing to do with Brexit or the pope or the freemasons. The pope is also busy himself, he's currently ill with the flu, and again I cannot reiterate enough that he is quite old, but let's leave that one until it happens. Just like it has done every couple of years literally since the days of Christ.
Next on the list is Kate Middleton who hasn't been seen this year and is apparently still recovering from surgery. I once heard that abdominal surgery is quite gruelling and she doesn't want grisly photos emerging of her looking haggard, like what happened with Prince Phillip several years ago. Nonetheless a quick search online reveals lots of secret news everything from rehab to divorce to a failed suicide attempt and one video I saw even suggested that secret Jesuit doctors were using her body to harvest stem cells in order to cure Charles. One friend of mine suggested that she was getting plastic surgery and said that despite being a staunch republican, he could be persuaded to be a royalist if she came back with a massive boob job in order to resemble a young Jodie Marsh.
Other dead or missing royals would be Prince Michael of Kent's son-in-law who died aged 46, and Prince William chose to miss the memorial service of his godfather, the late King Constantine of Greece. The reason given was "a personal matter" and I don't blame him, his wife and dad are both in hospital. But maybe it's also because he and Lord Lucan are hanging out at the Bohemian Grove, plotting more dastardly conspiracies with the Servants of Cthulhu.
I will say that if the royals keep dropping like flies then at this rate you or I could be the king or queen by next weekend and in the mean time Prince William has returned to work to do not a lot, after spending several days doing nothing to take a break from doing not much.
Prince William once told his dad that if he was a commoner then he would have wanted to work as a roadie. Charles replied "One too, one too"
Interesting royal news this week as the internet went into overdrive and a vacuum of information was replaced by a sea of misinformation. The king has not been seen for some time and no information has been given about what kind of cancer he has. Personally I believe in privacy when it comes to someone's medical condition, especially if it's of a sensitive nature but according Twitter the reason for the silence is definitely something to do with reptilian aliens and possibly the Rothschild banki ......
2024 Feb 24 - Shamima Begum & New York
There's a story about a a second world war explosive in Plymouth and the police statement says "Corden set to remain around unexploded WW2 bomb" Like many, I'm hoping they mean James Corden and the world can finally be rid of him
There's a report out about divorce and apparently the average age of a lesbian marriage was 5.1 years. It just goes to show that even women find it hard to put up with being married to women.
Talking about women who are difficult to live with, Shamima Begum was in the news after she lost her latest appeal to regain her Citizenship and it's sort of her own faulty, wasting money on lawyers and due process rather than popping into the Calais branch of Halfords and picking up a dingy and a foot pump. The BBC of course take a sympathetic view of her case, and presumably would rather than she moved to from Syria to a Premier Inn just off the M2 until she's had time to audition to be a host on Match of the Day
Honestly, at this point I don't see why she's even bothering, she should just get a flight over to the states and show up in New York where Eric Adams continues to turn satire in reality. In the last week or so he gave a speech pleading for federal help and begging illegal migrants to stop turning the city into a shanty town, whilst literally the next day agreeing to hand out $53m of pre-paid debit cards to anyone who wants one, as long as they're not a taxpayer. There's no background checks and the whole thing is about as fraudulent as you'd expect to the extend - I'm genuinely surprised that defence contractors haven't somehow gotten themselves a piece of the action.
Cynics would say that it doesn't matter to the City's left wing politicians there because as soon as these newcomers also get given a right to vote then Joe Biden and his friends will gain millions of loyal voters and turn the country into a one party left wing kleptocracy, although they also seem to have wildly miscalculated how their existing voter base will react, and how many people might actually be quite happy to vote for someone else, despite the rhetoric. Almost all of the financial demands made during the Black Lives Matters protests were turned down as being unworkable and unaffordable, yet then they've seemingly been proposed and in many cases implemented for other people, and literally all along racial lines. There will be no reparations or free houses or universal basic income for former African slaves, but apparently if you show up from modern day Africa you get indefinite right to remain at the Ritz Carlton along with food and money and benefits that are in many cases greater than what the city pays its own workers.
There's a video online of where thousands of African-Americans learn that their rec center will be closed down in order to house hundreds of illegal migrants and a community organiser is shown yelling into a megaphone that they never voted for this. Although on the other hand I can't help but look back to the election 4 years ago and the talk about the wall and deportation laws and thing that, "yeah, you kinda did vote, exactly for this - it was literally the main campaign pledge from Donald Trump" Of course back then it was different, how were they supposed to realise that there might be consequences for their actions.
There's a story about a a second world war explosive in Plymouth and the police statement says "Corden set to remain around unexploded WW2 bomb" Like many, I'm hoping they mean James Corden and the world can finally be rid of him
There's a report out about divorce and apparently the average age of a lesbian marriage was 5.1 years. It just goes to show that even women find it hard to put up with being married to women.
Talking about women who are difficult to live with, Shamima Begum was in th ......
2024 Feb 18 - News Summary
Radio DJ Steve Wright passed away, so a big shout out to all you florists, you're listening to Steve Wright in the mourning. It is a real shame that life isn't like the radio, otherwise Jeremy Vine would have gone first.
There was tragic violence in Kansas City after a shooting happened at the city's parade to celebrate their recent triumph in the Super Bowl. Luckily the fan dropped the weapon after only a few seconds of play, allowing 2-3 minutes for an adbreak and for the police to presumably deal with things.
After last week's farcical press conference, Joe Biden is hanging on despite a number of polls suggesting he should step down. A survey asked thousands of people in swing states whether he should run and most resounded by saying they don't think he could be trusted to walk, let alone run.
Meanwhile in Russia, Vladimir Putin tried to settle his election chances by bumping off the leader of the opposition Alexei Navalny. If you're after a good film there's a 2022 documentary film about him that's really worth watching. Being the opposition leader in Russia is a thankless task a bit like aspiring to be in charge of the Scottish football team. I would describe it as a poisoned chalice except that's a bit too literal in Putin's Russia whether the poison might be in a chalice, or it might be in a mug, or a bowl or maybe they'll go for a different method and yo might accidentally stab yourself to death while clipping your nails
Radio DJ Steve Wright passed away, so a big shout out to all you florists, you're listening to Steve Wright in the mourning. It is a real shame that life isn't like the radio, otherwise Jeremy Vine would have gone first.
There was tragic violence in Kansas City after a shooting happened at the city's parade to celebrate their recent triumph in the Super Bowl. Luckily the fan dropped the weapon after only a few seconds of play, allowing 2-3 minutes for an adbreak and for the police to presumably ......
2024 Feb 10 - King Charles & Biden
King Charles was diagnosed with Cancer this week. The doctor told him it was the big C and the king looked very despondent before asking whether he'll also be brining that big C of a wife of his. Yes, Harry made a stop back to the UK in order to visit his father, before presumably also going to visit King Charles. Anyway, the royal household hasn't given any details as to what type of cancer it is although it was discovered during a fairly routine prostate operation and so that's one option, bowel cancer is another one being speculated. It's quite remarkable that thanks to Prince Andrew, a cancerous bowel still wouldn't qualify as the worst arsehole.
In other medical news Joe Biden was in the news after a report came out, saying he was not to blame for all the classified information he illegally kept in his garage. More specifically the report concluded that he should not be prosecuted for mishandling the material as, if it went to trial, jurors would see the full extent of his mental decline and conclude he was simply a "well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory”" That is a fairly shocking and blunt outcome to come to, and the president decided to follow it up with a hastily arranged press conference to tell everyone how innocent he was and how he's still sharp as a tack, but in the midst of it all managed to confuse Egypt with Mexico which is something you'd expect to happen if you were buying a suspiciously cheap package holiday.
This confusion all came just a few days after he discussed his recent conversations with Helmut Kohl and Francois Mitterrand, people who have actually been dead for 7 and 28 years respectively. The report also mentions various other angles on the situation such as how Biden forgets being vice president and was unaware that his son was dead. This would all be bad enough if the plan was to just let him run the clock down before stepping down in November, except he still is president and has made it abundantly clear to everyone that he's running for re-election. He's used the party apparatus to prevent anyone else from running against him. He recently talked about how Trump is the current president but that he's going to depose him in November so it's obvious he believes it's 2019 still, and at this stage the GOP are going to just let him keep digging his own political grave rather than actively forcing him from office in favour of someone who might win the election. As Napoleon said, never interrupt your opponent when they're making a mistake.
As to our older politicians, Gordon Brown was asked relatively recently about David Cameron's return to the cabinet, and he was asked about similarly making a return to frontline politics. He replied back that he's too old to be a British politician, but to young to be an American one. I guess even a stopped clock is correct twice per day.
King Charles was diagnosed with Cancer this week. The doctor told him it was the big C and the king looked very despondent before asking whether he'll also be brining that big C of a wife of his. Yes, Harry made a stop back to the UK in order to visit his father, before presumably also going to visit King Charles. Anyway, the royal household hasn't given any details as to what type of cancer it is although it was discovered during a fairly routine prostate operation and so that's one option, bow ......
2024 Feb 03 - News Summary
There was an acid attack in London. I remember witnessing one when I lived there, two gangs, one splashing acid, the other throwing alkali. Fortunately I chose to remain neutral.
There's an article on the BBCs news page about a community center in Yorkshire being constructed using straw stuffed panels for insulation. The headline reads "Should more British homes be built using straw" To which the answer from the wolf is a resounding yes though the 3 Little Pigs remain unconvinced.
Bad news in the art world: some environmental protestors attempted to damage the Mona Lisa, then a man died at the Tate Modern after falling from a gallery albeit in the process he left behind a new Jackson Pollock for visitors to take gruesome pictures of.
Footballer Marcus Rashford was in trouble with Manchester United after he skipped training following a 12 hour tequila drinking session. The club have said it's not acceptable behaviour and they're right, it's not acceptable to pull a sickie. And if anything, that sort of drinking was part of the training prep back when George Best played for them.
In other football news there was violence at a West Brom game. The police are currently investigating whether the coins being thrown onto the pitch constituted a takeover bid
The chair of the WWE wrestling group is under a federal investigation. I shan't go into details, google is there if you want the salacious gossip, although I'm just highly surprised that they chose to go after him for that. This is Hollywood showbiz wrestling, surely you go after him for match-fixing?
Nicola Sturgeon was on the stand being questioned about her government's actions during covid. At one point she started crying and said she "wished she had not been in charge" - Well that makes at least two of us then Nicola.
There was an acid attack in London. I remember witnessing one when I lived there, two gangs, one splashing acid, the other throwing alkali. Fortunately I chose to remain neutral.
There's an article on the BBCs news page about a community center in Yorkshire being constructed using straw stuffed panels for insulation. The headline reads "Should more British homes be built using straw" To which the answer from the wolf is a resounding yes though the 3 Little Pigs remain unconvinced.
Bad news in ......
2024 Jan 28 - Israel Palestine
It's been several weeks since the new year which means that gymns are finally starting to empty out as people once more drop out of their new fitness regime. Personally, my favourite machine at the gymn is the vending machine.
There's not been a huge amount in the news this week although I saw a headline "Shark Swims Ashore in New Jersey" - I didn't know sharks wore jerseys, or any clothing for that matter. That joke is of course also the answer to the question, "What did Delaware"
There is however the two stories here about Israel.
The 1st of these is the ICJ's decision in the Hague to accuse Israel of Genocidal acts and it's almost a parody of itself. It doesn't actually go so far as saying that, so much as being a very legal-speak version of saying it's going to look into it and come to a decision in a few years. It's the sort of decision where you'd expect they'd want to act quickly, otherwise it's like writing a letter to your local fire station to ask them to extinguish your house. Anyway, it reminds me of the old joke about what's the difference between a politician and a lawyer? The answer being that they both lie to you but the lawyer does it slowly and in latin. This court case by the way was brought by South Africa, which is only about one national election away from its own genocide, though there is a 2nd pending case brought by Indonesia. That country however is having to go down a different legal angle, citing "policies and practices” in the occupied Palestinian territories. Hilariously enough this is because Indonesia doesn't recognise international genocide law, owing to problems in its own recent history. I believe next month the court is also ruling on the case of the pot vs the kettle.
The other Israel story this week is about the United Nations Relief and Works Agency. This is the agency that supports humanitarian work in Palestine. Wait no, as it turns out, it was actually quite involved and complicit in the Hamas attacks last October and so funding has been therefore been put on pause by half a dozen countries including the UK and Canada. Presumably the UN staff misunderstood the memo about the new uniforms and being dressed to kill. Just like how when the UN went to the Rwandan civil war, it observed a minutes silence by handing out silencers to the rebels. The UN is a joke and just a BBC panel show show it's quite dated and not very funny.
It's been several weeks since the new year which means that gymns are finally starting to empty out as people once more drop out of their new fitness regime. Personally, my favourite machine at the gymn is the vending machine.
There's not been a huge amount in the news this week although I saw a headline "Shark Swims Ashore in New Jersey" - I didn't know sharks wore jerseys, or any clothing for that matter. That joke is of course also the answer to the question, "What did Delaware"
The ......
2024 Jan 21 - Port Talbot
King Charles went into hospital with a prostate issue. It was meant to be kept private but there must have been a leak.
There's a story here about how AI is going to be used to prevent 3 busses turning up at once, as compared to the old method where the union prevents any busses from turning up whatsoever. I also saw a story about an electric bus catching fire in London which is probably the only time anyone's seen a London bus with the heating on it winter
Another week and some more Jeffrey Epstein names came out, it seems that Bruce Willis was amongst a list of Hollywood celebrities. Bruce Willis of course has since ben diagnosed with Alzheimers and so cannot recall a thing, how very convenient.
Confusion in Wales after the Port Talbot steelworks announced it was sacking the majority of its workers. I say "confusion" because there seems to be people arguing that the loss of thousands of jobs is good thing because steel manufacturing is "bad for the environment" and the company even put out a press release about how it was trying to save the planet when it decided to print several thousand P45s.
Looking at the BBCs coverage of it there's an infographic about how one ton of steel production produces 2 tons of CO2 although there's scant mention of how much CO2 is produced in the manufacturing of a wind turbine. Or how an electric car's battery involves digging about 250 tonnes of dirt out of the ground. Anyway, there then a hilarious quote on the BBC from an environmental campaigner who is mostly concerned that the UK will have to import steel from other countries and that those countries might not be concerned about net-zero. This of course has always been the point though: the only way any carbon footprints have gone down in Europe is by moving the factories to China or India and then hiring an accountant to sign off on it. The left can go on about wind farms and solar power all they want but global coal production hit a new record high last year and thermal coal exports surpassed 1bn metric tons for the first time in history. I sometimes wonder if Microsoft Windows has a recycling can on the desktop in order to get some kind of federal tax kickback and given the tricks and financial games involved in claiming a win, at this stage I honestly don't know why the energy industry don't just go all the way and try to just claim that coal is green energy because millions of years ago it was plant material and those plants grew using the power of the sun. Actually, I'm going to go phone a lawyer and see if I can patent that idea. Alternatively, I'm going chuck an idea out there for environmentalists, if you want to reduce the world's population, and smoking and drinking and red meat are going to kill everyone, then let's maybe abolish duty on smoking and drinking, that's an environmental policy I could raise a glass to.
King Charles went into hospital with a prostate issue. It was meant to be kept private but there must have been a leak.
There's a story here about how AI is going to be used to prevent 3 busses turning up at once, as compared to the old method where the union prevents any busses from turning up whatsoever. I also saw a story about an electric bus catching fire in London which is probably the only time anyone's seen a London bus with the heating on it winter
Another week and some more Jeffrey E ......
