2024 Feb 10 - King Charles & Biden

King Charles was diagnosed with Cancer this week. The doctor told him it was the big C and the king looked very despondent before asking whether he'll also be brining that big C of a wife of his. Yes, Harry made a stop back to the UK in order to visit his father, before presumably also going to visit King Charles. Anyway, the royal household hasn't given any details as to what type of cancer it is although it was discovered during a fairly routine prostate operation and so that's one option, bowel cancer is another one being speculated. It's quite remarkable that thanks to Prince Andrew, a cancerous bowel still wouldn't qualify as the worst arsehole.

In other medical news Joe Biden was in the news after a report came out, saying he was not to blame for all the classified information he illegally kept in his garage. More specifically the report concluded that he should not be prosecuted for mishandling the material as, if it went to trial, jurors would see the full extent of his mental decline and conclude he was simply a "well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory”" That is a fairly shocking and blunt outcome to come to, and the president decided to follow it up with a hastily arranged press conference to tell everyone how innocent he was and how he's still sharp as a tack, but in the midst of it all managed to confuse Egypt with Mexico which is something you'd expect to happen if you were buying a suspiciously cheap package holiday.

This confusion all came just a few days after he discussed his recent conversations with Helmut Kohl and Francois Mitterrand, people who have actually been dead for 7 and 28 years respectively. The report also mentions various other angles on the situation such as how Biden forgets being vice president and was unaware that his son was dead. This would all be bad enough if the plan was to just let him run the clock down before stepping down in November, except he still is president and has made it abundantly clear to everyone that he's running for re-election. He's used the party apparatus to prevent anyone else from running against him. He recently talked about how Trump is the current president but that he's going to depose him in November so it's obvious he believes it's 2019 still, and at this stage the GOP are going to just let him keep digging his own political grave rather than actively forcing him from office in favour of someone who might win the election. As Napoleon said, never interrupt your opponent when they're making a mistake.

As to our older politicians, Gordon Brown was asked relatively recently about David Cameron's return to the cabinet, and he was asked about similarly making a return to frontline politics. He replied back that he's too old to be a British politician, but to young to be an American one. I guess even a stopped clock is correct twice per day.
Share >>>

Older posts, click on them to expand:

2024 Feb 03 - News Summary

There was an acid attack in London. I remember witnessing one when I lived there, two gangs, one splashing acid, the other throwing alkali. Fortunately I chose to remain neutral.

There's an article on the BBCs news page about a community center in Yorkshire being constructed using straw stuffed panels for insulation. The headline reads "Should more British homes be built using straw" To which the answer from the wolf is a resounding yes though the 3 Little Pigs remain unconvinced.

Bad news in ......

2024 Jan 28 - Israel Palestine

It's been several weeks since the new year which means that gymns are finally starting to empty out as people once more drop out of their new fitness regime. Personally, my favourite machine at the gymn is the vending machine.

There's not been a huge amount in the news this week although I saw a headline "Shark Swims Ashore in New Jersey" - I didn't know sharks wore jerseys, or any clothing for that matter. That joke is of course also the answer to the question, "What did Delaware"

The ......

2024 Jan 21 - Port Talbot

King Charles went into hospital with a prostate issue. It was meant to be kept private but there must have been a leak.

There's a story here about how AI is going to be used to prevent 3 busses turning up at once, as compared to the old method where the union prevents any busses from turning up whatsoever. I also saw a story about an electric bus catching fire in London which is probably the only time anyone's seen a London bus with the heating on it winter

Another week and some more Jeffrey E ......

2024 Jan 13 - Post Office Scandal

A batch of More Jeffrey Epstein names was released and it included Magician David Copperfield, which maybe explains how someone got in and out of his jail cell undetected

North Korea has stated that Kim Jong Un is now 40 although I'm not sure if that means years, or stone.

An electric bus caught fire in London, it's probably the only time a London bus has had the heating on during winter.

Sven-Goran Eriksson has announced that he's got cancer and only a few months to live. I'm not sure sure i ......

2024 Jan 06 - Epstein Names

Happy new year, and if anyone else is doing dry January, I'll raise my glass of dry chardonnay to you. I was putting the Christmas decorations back in the attic when I came across a Christmas present I meant to give the kids 2 weeks ago. It's a shame, they'd have loved that puppy.

Bill Gates has got yet another scheme on the go to make life more unpleasant for everyone. This particular scheme is one in which he's going to be turning human waste into drinking water. Given his wealth, I assume th ......

2023 Dec 17 - Merry Christmas

It's getting pretty cold out there, the other evening I found myself shaking more than Rudy Giuliani's accountant.

The deputy first minister of Scotland Shona Lewis apologised to the people who've had to wait too long for an ambulance. Personally, I wouldn't waste you time Shona, they're mostly dead now, thanks to you lot.

Christmas cards from the Royal Family are out, William & Kate decided to go for a vaguely tasteful black and white one, whereas Harry & Meghan went for a black & ginger one. ......

2023 Dec 10 - News Summary

There was an article out about how the obesity crisis is now costing the UK £98bn. I'm not sure if that's just the cost of the groceries, have you seen the price of chocolate lately? Personally I like to follow the government's advice of always buying food that's locally sourced. By which I mean I source my microwave meals from the corner-shop.

The home office has put out an immigration themed advent calendar, many of the doors arrive wide open and it's seemingly impossible for anyone to clos ......

2023 Dec 02 - A lot of Deaths this week

A lot of people died this week including global statesman Henry Kissinger, England manager Terry Venebles, billionaire investor Charlie Munger and Stick Vicky from the ITV show Benidorm. Quite the lineup there, I'm not sure if Terry Vennebles is putting together a 'pearly gates 11' but if he is then he'll disappointed not to land Gazza in that squad. There's probably a joke in there too about the game going to sudden death.

The former Chancellor Alistair Darling also passed away which raised a ......

2023 Nov 26 - News Summary

This last week in the US it was Black Friday, the day after thanksgiving, when most of the big shops and websites offer large discounts to consumers. As such it was great to see Israel and Hamas give everyone a few days off so that they and their supporters can do some Amazon shopping with 30% off regular prices, or maybe snap up an iPhone15. I'm joking of course, all the Hamas supporters I've seen on the news seem more keen to just smash in the window and steal stuff. Talking about that conflic ......

2023 Nov 19 - Rishi + Dave

It was Children in Need weekend when millions tune in to watch the BBC show. As always, tuning in with particular interest, were the Metropolitan police, keen to make sure their shortlist is up to date, for which BBC stars to keep an extra close eye on. I remember when I was a kid and a policeman came into the school and gave a talk on drugs. Nobody could understand a word he said, because he was high as a kite.

Everton fans were seen wearing gloves and scarves, because it was -10 at Goodison ......

2023 Nov 11 - News Summary

Earlier in the week I saw some protestors in London burning Israeli flags. Which was a pity given how much work the enslaved Chinese children put into manufacturing them. Oh wait, sorry, we're not supposed to criticise that particular human rights abuse, because there's money involved. There was also a protest in Scotland but the people there were too frugal to want to set fire to the newly acquired flags. I'm Scottish so I'm allowed to make that joke, like the one about how copper wire was inve ......

2023 Nov 04 - Now & Then

Friends star Matthew Perry died and a lot of my friends were texting me poor taste jokes, and like the tv series, most of them were repeats.

The UN was in the news, in part over it's stance on Israel, but also because it also just appointed a new chair of its human rights council. The winning answer was Iran, which is like suggesting your elderly relative go get a health checkup from Harold Shipman.

There was a grisly story about a woman being horribly disabled after being hit by 2 trains on t ......

2023 Oct 30 - Palestine & Ukraine

Nicola Sturgeon passed her driving test which will come in useful now that she's no longer in power and thus can't employ someone to drive that motorhome. She passed first time although wouldn't say what score she got on it and how many minors they received. Coincidentally the same answer that Prince Andrew's office gave to a question.

A man died after setting himself on fire outside a Liverpool branch of McDonalds. In a tragic twist, the staff could have extinguished him but the McFlurry machi ......

2023 Oct 23 - Israel & Hamas (week 2)

Slight delay this week, was waiting for that cut on my hand to heal up a bit, but I was also waiting on the BBC to respond to the news so in turn they were waiting on Hamas to hand them their latest press release. In the end they mostly seemed to focus on that massive storm Babette, although it's nowhere near as devastating as the Hamas'ive storm brewing in southern Israel.

Angela Rayner made a comment about Israel didn't exist a hundred years ago, although most of us are more concerned about ......

2023 Oct 14 - Israel & Hamas

Ok so let's talk about Israel and Gaza. The war is about a week old now, sort of like that lettuce at the back of my fridge, and the news media is talking a lot about how Gaza will soon be without medicine and fuel and food. Sounds to me like he shouldn't have squandered all his football earnings. No, of course this is the Gaza Strip which now looks worse than an English town centre on a Friday night at 2am

The actual reasons behind the conflict are often portrayed as highly complex and difficu ......

2023 Oct 08 - News Summary

A huge amount of bloodshed in Israel after an attack by Hamas led to brutal retaliation. Let's see how things unfold over the next week but like many around the world, I'm shaking my head and thinking about the tragic rise in petrol prices we're likely to see if it turns into a broader war in the region

Stevie Nicks from Fleetwood Mac is apparently going to get her own Barbie doll. I'm guessing she must be hard up for cash if she's only just gotten around to being able to afford one.

The gover ......

2023 Oct 01 - Old US Senators

Michael Gambon died this week, and so with two dead Dumbledores, it's not looking good for Jude Law

Europe's oldest shoe has apparently been found in Spain in a bat cave. Which is odd because I assumed Batman lived in America

Google turned 25 years old this week, which means that Leonardo DiCaprio has decided to look for a new web browser

The writers strike in Hollywood has come to an and which means they can get back to the job of destroying beloved characters and rewriting the classics. Th ......

2023 Sep 24 - Russel Brand

The welsh government is going to introduce a mandatory 20mph speed limit, in response Chris Rea is release an updated version of one of his songs "Driving Home For Easter"

With all the strong winds I'm quite concerned about the caravan in my garden, because it wasn't there a few days ago.

Rupert Murdoch finally announced his retirement this week after a career lasting over 70 years. Highlights include the eradication of good UK government, the wholesale destruction of US bipartisanship, gettin ......

2023 Sep 17 - Joe & Hunter Biden

The government have announced that they are going to ban pet owners from importing Bully XL Dogs from America. If anyone's interested in getting one before the ban, I have a friend who's selling one, the advert says it loves kids, especially big juice fat ones.

Tony Blair made a statement about junk food and how it should be priced so the poor can't buy it. Making food expensive for the poor makes about as much sense as appointing someone like him a Middle East peace envoy.

This week's main ne ......