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2024 Sep 29 - News Summary

20240929
Dame Maggie Smith passed away, or as the news called her, Professor McGonagall, or as I called her, Professor McGone. I'm increasingly starting to think that the Harry Potter movies had a curse on them as we've now lost Hagrid Snape, McGonnagol and Lady Malfoy. In another few decades there'll be no actors left!

Prime Minister Kier Starmer came under increasing pressure after the details leaked out about how he was given free use of an £18m penthouse without declaring. I saw one newspaper go with the headline "Labour are starting to feel the heat" which I guess is in stark difference from the pensioners he recently sold down the river who will not feel any heat now that he's scrapped the Winter Fuel Payment.

Just Stop Oil were up to their usual nonsense throwing some soup over Van Gogh's sunflowers. It makes me sad that they're so humourless and unimaginative, if it were me I'd go throw sunflowers at on of those Campbells Soup paintings by Andy Warhol.

There have been interesting moves in Europe with Germany reinstating border controls, following the spiralling situation of seemingly endless stabbings and violent crime, all carried out by undocumented migrants from Africa and the Middle East. It's quite a piece of legal gymnastics: You can't have border controls because the Schengen is enshrined in treaty and no country can propose changes. Therefore Germany is justifying what it's doing on the principal of a unique higher law that overrules it which raises the question of what happens when other countries start flagrantly breaching EU protocol. Perhaps Italy or France will cite what Germany's up to when choosing to ignore the rules about budgets. This very may well be the ignition point of how the monetary union falls apart, or perhaps not. It makes me think of the old saying about the optimist and the pessimist and whether the glass is half full or half empty but personally I always thought if the optimist really was one then he'd cheekily swig the last half glass of wine and assume he'd get away with it. Especially if it's France or Italy we're talking about.
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2024 Sep 22 - News Summary

20240922
There was a 2nd bungled attempt on Donald Trump, this time by someone who the government claims is a white male Trump Supporter despite them having a Kamala Harris bumper sticker on the back of their truck. Rest assured, progressives close to Biden have assured the public that the next round of candidates to do the job will be restricted to only African American women. Of course, given the murky circumstances of "how did they know trump was going to be there at that time," once more questions ha ......

2024 Sep 14 - Kamala Trump Debate

20240914
A lot happened this week. The actor James Earl Jones passed away, presumably now referred to as James Earl Bones. To be fair I recently rewatched Star Wars and his breathing sounded pretty bad even back then.

It was also the 2 year anniversary of the death of Queen Elizabeth and I was thinking back to that day and how I spent most of it checking my phone, for poor taste jokes from friends. It's funny now with hindsight to realise now that Huw Edwards was also doing the same thing, checking hi ......

2024 Sep 08 - News Update

20240908
England beat Ireland 2-0 in a strange football game, it was a win on Irish soil, with a manager who used to play for Ireland and the goals were both scored by former Irish player. I guess stealing Rice makes a change from when the English stole the potatoes.

Grenfell Tower was back in the news as it seems the maintenance, eventual demolition, and memorial will have cost the government £340m - they must have money to burn! (or is that in poor taste?)

France finally got a Prime Minister in ......

2024 Aug 25 - US Election Update

20240825
This week I thought we'd check with the state of the US election, where battleground states like Ohio look set to see more drama than when they filmed the Shawshank redemption there, and just like the end of that film we're all going to have to crawl through some proverbial, to reach the end of it. This week saw 3rd party candidate RF Kennedy drop out of the race and urging his opponents to vote for Trump, and it was certainly very brave of former President Trump to invite a Kennedy to the campa ......

2024 Aug 18 - News Summary

20240818
There seems to have been a bit of action in Ukraine with the Russians losing a lot of land. It's quite astonishing how many years this has now been going on for, although it makes a lot more sense when you think of it as 2 drunks outside a pub. I did find it uplifting to hear that President Macron wants to send French troops to the conflict, although I guess somebody has to be there to surrender and end it.

You always have to question the motives about what news we're allowed to read, the Ukr ......

2024 Aug 10 - More UK Violence

20240810
There was more violence around the UK with a picture doing the rounds of someone stealing a Banksy artwork painted onto a satellite dish, and at first I thought it was Rishi Sunak, finally getting that sky dish he said he wasn't allowed to have for all those years.
I also saw pictures online of a branch of Shoezone being looted, and it came as no surprise that for all the Nikes and the like being taken, nobody was leaving with and work boots. There was also a branch of DFS burned down although ......

2024 Aug 04 - UK Violence & Olympics

20240804
There were horror scenes in Southport at a Taylor Swift dance party, when it was revealed that the racially charged mass stabbing had also been set against the backdrop of a Taylor Swift soundtrack. The ethnic violence in the UK is quite something to watch, if you go online and see the footage shot by people who were there, rather than the videos the the BBC have deemed ok to release. A friend of mine, obsessed with the EU, said that voting for Brexit was like watching a library being burned dow ......

2024 Jul 21 - Trump Shooting Aftermath

20240721
This week saw former President Trump take to the stage at the Republican National Convention where he was even introduced by former wrestling star Hulk Hogan, which made a change from last weekend which almost saw an appearance by The Undertaker. This followed a week where the media tried to unpick the mess of that happened at the Trump Rally and the likes of CNN and the BBC realised that Trump is very likely likely to be in the White House for the next 4 years. Of course, for many people he als ......

2024 Jul 14 - Trump Assassination Attempt

20240714
This week there was a failed assassination attempt at former President Trump, with some fearing that recently acquitted Alec Baldwin had decided to show up.

If the attempt to permanently remove Trump from the race was all a plot concocted up by someone on the Biden team, then it should come as no surprise that it was a incompetent disaster, I'd barely trust Kamala Harris to take out the recycling, let alone a political opponent

The shooter was supposedly a 20 yo lone gunman although there' ......

2024 Jul 07 - Elections in UK, France & USA

20240707
This week saw Rishi Sunak depart Downing Street, before stopping off at William Hill to collect his winnings and apply for a cushy job overseas where he won't have to pay tax. He's the sort of person that I half expect to pocket the good cutlery on the way out if he weren't extremely wealthy. Moving into Number 10 is Prime Minister Kier Starmer, and Angela Rayner has been very keen to know which house she will be getting, so she can ask a junior minister to sublet her existing house and make sur ......

2024 Jun 30 - Biden Trump Debate

20240630
There's an exciting question doing the rounds about who will survive in their job longer: Joe Biden, Rishi Sunak or Gareth Southgate. Certainly in the case of the latter two, a lot of people are wonderring if the England team will even be able to vote in the UK election or use a ballot paper, seeing as they seem unable to ever find the box and when they do they struggle to put a cross into it.

But just like the football, Thursday night saw the repeat of something that also seems to happen eve ......

2024 Jun 02 - Trump Guilty Verdict

20240602
This week a jury decided that Donald Trump might be the first criminal to be voted in as president if he wins in November, or at least he would be the first politician to be voted in *after* they got caught. There's lots of examples of people who got away with it but as a basic one Bill Clinton did the exact same thing as Trump when he paid Paula Jones $850,000 to drop a sexual harassment lawsuit and that is of course s the tip an exceedingly large iceberg. I say iceberg, but it's more like an i ......

2024 May 25 - Election Announced

20240525
There's an election coming up, and the outcome is almost certainly going to see one of the worst endings of a party, since that get-together that Michael Barrymore had at his swimming pool. The grand announcement came as Rishi Sunak cobbled together a press conference whilst standing out in the pouring rain and ruining a perfectly good suit which is all things considered a pretty good metaphor for his uniquely disastrous and out of touch leadership style. It's also especially bizarre given that ......

2024 May 18 - King Charles Portrait

20240518
A new controversial portrait of King Charles was revealed this week which sees the King surrounded by red, in a quasi-modern-art style. Reviews seem to be mixed, although I don't really mind it and it does have the one massive benefit that if the Just Stop Oil protestors ever get near it with a tin of red paint, they won't be able to damage it that much. Personally though, the style of it reminds me a lot of that very brown and beige coloured painting, from Ghostbusters 2. That haunted one that ......

2024 May 12 - Columbia Protests

20240512
It's only a month to go until the King Charles banknotes enter circulation and a lot of people are getting excited. Personally I don't get the excitement, most 50 pound notes have had traces of charlie on them for years

There was also the case of the dine and dash couple who attended the first day of their court case. It's a pretty open and shut case, although they might get off on the technicality that, going by how fat they are, they couldn't credibly "dash" anywhere

And it was Eurovision th ......

2024 May 04 - Humza Yousaf Resigns

20240504
Humza Yousaf finally did everyone a favour and decided to resign as Scottish First Minister and two notable things stand out: 1) His long list of achievements is actually just a single item of "not being arrested like the last one" and 2) The only people lamenting him stepping down are those on the unionist side of the aisle who will be forever grateful for him personally killing the independence movement for a generation or two. I'm not sure what he's planning to do next although his brother is ......

2024 Apr 27 - London Horses

20240427
This week there bizarre scenes after several royal horses, one covered in blood ran amuck around the streets of London. I'm vaguely imagining Rishi Sunak going to have his fortune fortune read, and the old lady turned over a tarot card depicting a bloodied horse running past parliament and him asking if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Big Ben also tolled the wrong number of chimes that day and if it was all indeed a sign of the end of days then it's notable that due to government cutbacks ......

2024 Apr 21 - Meghan's Jam

20240421
Meghan Markle launched a new hustle and this time it's a range of jams. The idea presumably arose after they lost the Spotify deal and their accountant said they were in a financial jam, or possibly when they were stuck in a traffic jam trying to gt the airport in LA. Anything, I've not tried any myself, nor have I tried the one that King Charles sells because i think paying a tenner for strawberry jam you could make yourself is utterly bonkers, but the advertisers assure us that it's that's mea ......

2024 Apr 14 - OJ Simpson

20240414
OJ Simpson passed away this week at the age of the 76 from cancer and I guess OJ can now finally rest knowing that his wife's killer is dead. In the meantime a spokesperson for prostate cancer has come out and defended his the disease saying that they won't rest until the real killer is found, but for now most of us more interested in seeing what the funeral procession will look like. I'm imagining a hearse slowly driving down the LA freeway. Possibly pulled by horses, or more specifically a wh ......