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This week in Southern Europe, the wave of political populism gave way to the wave of heat, a heat wave, as temperatures crept high enough that the trees are beckoning dogs over to them. Yes, the mercury in the thermometers would be rising to the top, if the EU hadn't banned the use of mercury thermometers years ago. Remember that supposedly silly scene in the 4th Indiana Jones movie where he climbs into a lead-lined fridge, well that seems like a sensible idea now, it's probably quite cold in th ......

Catalonia was back in the news this week, the Madrid government has triggered Article 155 to remove autonomy from he region and just like when the UK triggered Article 50, the EU doesn’t like this one much either. It would be true to say that Brussels has the same regard for these articles as Polly Toynbee does for Quentin Letts’ articles. Nonetheless, the powers that be are trying their hardest to make sure if there was any chance of reconciling with the Catalan separatists then it’s up there with Harvey Weinstein’s chances of being trusted to organise a film reboot Charlie’s Angels.

Years ago the EU sat on the sidelines and did nothing while the balkans descended into a bloodbath. Belgium itself has always been close to fragmenting into Flanders and Wallonia and yet Brussels has shown the sort of objectivity and maturity to nationalist movements that makes a student council meeting look like the illuminati. Madrid could have offered an olive branch to Barcelona, figuratively and literally: they love olives in the Mediterranean after all. Except they just decided to transfer thousands of banking jobs out of the region. Now the separatists are encouraging Catalans to respond by emptying their bank accounts and starting a run on the banks, like a sunny version of what the UK saw with Northern Wreck, I mean with Northern Rock. Let’s just hope that Madrid doesn’t go nuclear and escalate things by getting Gordon Brown to fly in and help out, then we’ll be in serious trouble.

Anyway, see you next week; but one thing to look out for by then is this coming Thursday, the 26th, when all the remaining Watergate and Kennedy Assassination files which are set to be declassified. Let’s just hope that ‘events’ don’t happen and that President Mike Pence doesn’t use his first act in office to add another 25 years to the waiting time.

The big story of the week was supposed to be Theresa May’s Conservative Party Conference speech which, let’s say “didn’t go according to plan” unless that plan was “let’s make a pilot for a political comedy show in the style of Frank Spencer” There was a coughing fit, a prankster, the sign behind her literally fell apart and by the end I was looking around the stage to see if anyone had put a bucket of wallpaper paste at the top of a strategically placed ladder.

On the other hand, it’s been a busy week elsewhere: there was the massacre in Las Vegas followed by the ongoing political situation in Catalonia, which (depending on who you speak to) is either “a constitutional disaster” or “a damn good distraction from events at home!” Personally I’m just looking forward to when Spain vetoes Catelonia from being allowed into the EU and Brussels is forced to decide whether it wants to A) side with the Catelans and therefore support the implicit concept of nationalism or B) support Madrid but in the process let the world see that Catalonia didn’t crumble without the benevolent overreach of Brussels.

As someone from Scotland though it’s pretty incredible seeing how things are playing out in Barcelona. I suppose a Scottish equivalent would have been for David Cameron to have sent the the army into Glasgow 2 years ago with Union Jacks flying, and of course hope that Celtic fans didn’t mistake it for an overzealous troop of Rangers fans. The British army has some of the best troops in the world but I’d question their chances against 500 east-end football fans who’ve spent all lunchtime getting lager’d up and singing support for the IRA. Certainly on the topic of football I do find it amazing that Nicola Sturgeon is so keen to support Catalan independence, it’s hard enough for Scotland to qualify for a major tournament these days without there essentially being a 2nd Spanish team to contend with.

It’s going to happen though, it’s more a question of how long it will take, what the rest of Europe will do to suppress similar secessionist movements and of course how Texas will react. It required someone like Abraham Lincoln to hold the US together last time anyone left the union, but Donald Trump turning out in the end to be remembered as a unifying figure, a new Lincoln or George Washington? It seems about as likely as Theresa May doing something really brilliantly well, whether it be winning an election or just giving a well delivered popular speech.

Last year the Remain campaign came out with some ludicrously over-exaggerated claims about what Brexit would mean: 3 million jobs lost, huge tax rises as well as the Islington branch of Waitrose having replace all the artisan Polenta dip with lard or whatever it is that Nick Clegg thinks poor people eat. However, now that Brexit is happening, they’ve decided to double down those stories and the latest claims is that a full scale military war with Spain is coming our way. I imagine that if it were to happen then thanks to cuts in the defence budget it may well end up being settled by a drunken brawl outside a nightclub on the Balearic islands; I don’t know what’s worse really, a shot from a G36 assault rifle or a Club 18-30 quadruple shot of cheap ouzo drunk out of a shoe. The whole thing is utterly bonkers though, even General Franco didn’t try invading Gibraltar and he kinda had a thing for starting wars in Spain.

And talking about Fascists, this week Ken Livingstone came out of his house again and again and again to talk about Hitler and he was subsequently suspended for calling the Labour party into disrepute. The historical point he was claiming is at best dubious but the thing to take away really is that apparently you can be suspended or expelled from Labour if you say things that make the party look unprofessional or disreputable, which I suppose would at least explain why the leadership have kept their mouths shut when asked about policy or what they think about Brexit.

Anyway, for now, if we get drafted into a war with Spain, I’ll see you on the beach, mine’s a pint of San Miguel and otherwise see you next week!