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This week the UK saw an assault of royal commemorative plates being launched with Kate giving birth to another child and Prince Charles cracking open a tincture of homeopathic champagne to celebrate. The baby weighed just over 8 pounds making it just slightly heavier than the special commemorative supplement you'll be removing from this week's Sunday paper; I guess it's up to you whether you use it for lighting the barbecue or stash it away in a cupboard as an investment, it could potentially tr ......

This week I thought we'd talk about the Jeremy Corbyn spy story. Yes I know that the US school shooting thing is possibly a bigger news story but I try to keep these things funny and the gun control debate is about as light hearted as a poem by Wilfred Owen.

So to quote the security services "let's talk about Jeremy Corbyn." Was he a spy? Or did he think that novel "The Spy Who Came In From The Cold" was something about winter fuel costs and an excuse to re-nationalise the gas industry?

The basic story is that Corbyn allegedly met with a Czech spy called Jan Dymic 3 times in the late 1980s, including twice in the House of Commons. At that rate the Czech spy probably had a better attendance record than some of the lazier MPs. Amidst a lack of supporting evidence, Corbyn also points out that one of these supposed meetings, in October 1987, occurred when he couldn't possibly have been in the House of Commons because he was up in Chesterfield meeting with British socialists. Best kind of socialists they say, the home grown artisanal British socialists, none of that foreign muck. I jest of course, Corbyn is of course an internationalist.

There were apparently other meetings in 1986 and I'm frankly surprised he would be able to find the time to be an paid Soviet informant, there was his arch-nemesis Thatcher to attack and it was the year his mother died and he was also arrested that year along with 15 other demonstrators while protesting against the trial of a group of IRA members including Patrick Magee who was of course the Brighton Bomber. It was also the year that Timothy Dalton started filming The Living Daylights which features a pre-title sequence set on the Rock of Gibraltar and Corbyn and his friends have of course expressed questionable views on the Gibraltar sovereignty issue in the past.

The thing is, and this may come as a shock to some, but James Bond isn't real, he's a fictional construct along with the Labour position on Brexit and to an extent the Conservative Party's position on Brexit. Until someone shows some proper evidence to settle the issue, it's frankly just background noise and in all honesty if you're a facebook journalist or website editor it would probably be much more productive keeping the public aware of all the other things that Jeremy has actually been on the record doing. #JustSaying

One of the problems with making promises is that you tend to be held to account, so this week we saw a promise about getting rid of petrol and diesel cars by the tear 2040. That’s 23 years from now when a lot of the politicians will be retired, deceased, rotting in a club in St James’ or simply arguing about how many more leadership elections it will take to oust Jeremy Corbyn. Given how electric cars have been coming along though it’s all fairly silly really, there’s an expression that the stone age didn’t end because we ran out stone. Volvo’s already planning a complete switch without needing arbitrary legislation to make them do it and BMW just announced plans for the new electric Mini, which will be build in the UK, #DespiteBrexit

And that brings us onto the other news story of the week, the Labour Party’s Europe policy, or lack thereof. Either way it’s a viewpoint with about as much coherence as bad Game of Thrones fan fiction. They say they want to leave the Customs Union, but still keep it on the table and Corbyn has ruled in and ruled out Single Market membership while Dianne Abbott and John McDonald went on record saying it will still definitely possibly probably maybe be an option. As far as this Schrodinger’s Cat of a manifesto debate goes, it’s probably also questionable who out of the shadow front bench could even define the actual difference between the Customs Union and Single Market.

But for now it’s the weekend people so go out and enjoy the sun! According to a report just out this week, drinking cuts your diabetes risk, so why not open a case of red wine, or possibly some scotch just to be on the safe side. I just my local loan shark walking down the street with a blood stained cricket bat so I guess even he’s off to enjoy some time in the park.

So it's the morning after the night before and we got a shock result. Theresa May thought it would be a rubber stamping exercise, like getting your passport renewed except it was more like one of those awful bank applications where you have to supply 2 utility bills and then you're declined because due to a typo

Hats off to Jeremy Corbyn though, he didn't actually win a majority but he sure as heck managed to defeat the Blairites in the Labour party and that might mean we've finally seen the last of Tony Blair, until he eventually ends up on trial at the Hague. Corbyn got the youth vote out against the odds and especially in spite of Dianne Abbott who spent the last 6 weeks making Corbyn and Abbott look more like Abbott and Costello. Noticeably, Labour's uptick in the last few days directly coincided with her putting an end to her endless series of car crash tv appearances. I saw a programme the other night and I wasn't sure whether it was an interview with her or a documentary about Ayrton Senna.

The Lib Dems having lost most of their target new voters to Labour are pretty much exactly where they started but with Vince Cable back, the political equivalent of firing up that old computer in the spare room and upgrading it from Windows 95 to Windows 98. In Scotland, the SNP also got bumped back to reality with Angus Robertson and the big fish himself Alex Salmon losing their supposedly safe seats.

UKIP and the Greens as usual got hundreds of thousands of votes but next to nothing to show for it, yet more proof that we need proportional representation: it's about the one thing that Caroline Lucas and her greens actually agree with Paul Nuttall on asides from not shaving. We'd probably have proportional representation already were it not for Nick Clegg backing it a few years ago, fulfilling his roll as Harbinger of political disaster.

And so that just leaves us with the madness of a minority administration in Downing Street. I'm posting this on Friday morning and four questions remain that I suppose may be answered by the time you're watching this. 1) Will Theresa Resign? 2) What happens with Brexit now? 3) Will Boris finally make a proper grab for the leadership? 4) Will anyone ever be able to afford a holiday abroad now that the pound is falling faster than the odds of a 2nd election in the next 12 months.

This week the EU claimed that if Britain wants to leave, it’ll have to pay €100bn and it reminded me of that scene in Austin Powers where Dr Evil goes back to the 1960s and demands $100bn and is met by much bemused laughter. Perhaps Brussels want the cash to pay off the Greek national debt or bribe President Erdogan into staying friendly, That is if they don’t embezzle it first. If you ask me we should maybe we can try to kill two birds with one stone by seeing if we can pay any bill by getting them to take RBS off our hand. Or maybe see if we can get renowned financial expert Diane Abbott to settle the bill.

Abbott was on the radio this week displaying her financial prowess in a car crash of an interview where she implied that you could pay the police with glass beads like a conquistador in new world or something like that. Jeremy Corbyn eventually told us it would cost £300m, although he’s also promised that money to arts funding and he’s set it aside for schools and it’s been ringfenced for the NHS as well. Boris lied about £300m once on the side of a bus and look how his campaign for becoming prime minister ended up.