Whilst I was away on holiday, the US decided to pull out of Afghanistan and the country collapsed faster than Diane Abbott getting into a deck chair. The Taliban are back in charge and they have lots of ideas for what to do with the place, like a much bigger and more violent version of one of those tv home makeover shows. Maybe they'll convert the spare bedroom into an arms depot and in the garden how about a water feature except instead of water it’s the blood of the innocent and the kids tree-house will double up as a gallows because contrary to the media’s suggestion, the place is far from a lawless wild west. Quite the opposite really, say what you want about Taliban the tend to be "tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime", an expression first used by Tony Blair around the time he got the UK involved in the country. It’s just a shame that in that list of ‘causes of crime’ they also tend to include things or “owning a smartphone” or “being a woman” When it comes to the new government's policies I actually misread things and mistakenly thought they were being quite progressive when they said that, like many western countries, that they didn’t want drivers licenses to just have 2 gender options, albeit rather than adding options they want to restrict ownership back to men only.

Anyway, the regime change was quite swift owing to the former Afghan president fleeing the country “to avoid bloodshed.” Presumably his own. He’s currently living it up in the UAE having smuggled $160m out of the country’s treasury. I guess that’s something a lot of people aspire to doing though when they’re fired from a job. As for everybody else trying to flee the country, there were ghastly scenes broadcast on television with images of babies being thrown over barbed wire fences and people dying in the struggle to board what few planes there were. In many respects it reminded me of the last time I flew with Ryanair, albeit there’s not a Wetherspoons in Kabul. On viewing the scenes Harry and Meghan were “left speechless” which made for a pleasant change from their usual torrent of inane touchy feely rubbish.

But thus ends America’s decades long involvement in the country and we can instead welcome in a war-mongering caliphate on side with the Russians and Chinese. Brought not to the world by President Trump but by sleepy Uncle Joe Biden who is senile enough the he probably thinks that Soviet Union is still trying to invade the place. There was an astonishing story about him this week when it was revealed that Osama Bin Laden personally intervened to prevent an attempted assassination attempt on him 10 years ago when he was still Vice President under Obama. This was on the logic that he was so profoundly incompetent that he would be an Al Qaeda asset if he got in the Oval Office. This last week he even gave an interview where he claimed his son had fought in Afghanistan (which he didn’t) and that he was in the Navy (which he wasn’t). That wouldn’t even make sense, the place is a landlocked country. I feel sorry for him really, he’s an elderly man who’s suffered two aneurisms, has a heart condition, clearly has dementia and is being abused by his handlers and the rest of the Democratic part. But we are where we are. Afghanistan will revert to being theocratic hellscape and tens of thousands of people will literally be put to the sword, but at least the cabinet that allowed it all to transpire was diverse. In a couple of months when ghastly footage comes out of girls being whipped to death for the crime of not covering their face. it might look painful but at least nobody’s feelings will be being hurt on Twitter