2017 Dec 23 - Christmas

It's nearly Christmas so I thought this week I'd retell a classic Christmas joke. One day in the run up to Christmas, a newspaper posts a question to Downing Street asking what Theresa May has asked Father Christmas for. There's a long a protracted debate in number 10 about the ethics of the question - it can't be anything too fancy after all - and in the end Theresa May lets the journalist know that she's wanting some chocolates and a nice bottle of English sparkling wine, to sit down with while she watches the Queen's Speech on Christmas Day. Anyway, the next morning the newspapers are a bloodbath and she turns on the radio to hear a Labour Party spokesman calling for her head after a Guardian exclusive about how the Prime Minister was wanting to spend Christmas get sloshed, whereas Jeremy Corbyn and the other party leaders said that for Christmas they were all praying for global peace along with nuclear disarmament and goodwill to all men.

Anyway, so to the real news world. What are the actual leaders around the world wanting for Christmas? Catalonia's ousted leader has asked for fresh talks with Madrid after the separatist parties won a slim majority in the recent regional election. The SNP are calling for fresh talks with London because why not, it's been a while and the clue's in their name. I imagine that Theresa May's asked Santa to speed up time so that March 2019 can roll round and she can finally resign having seen Brexit through to completion. President Trump has declared that the recent tax cut bill proves that actually he IS Santa so the question is irrelevant. And his opponents agree, they want him to vacate the White House and disappear to the North Pole, for at least a year. The Chinese President, welcoming the economic boost in toy exports has asked for the rampant commercialisation of more western holidays. And finally, Dianne Abbott is asking for someone to explain the Advent Calendar to her again because she's still struggling to find door number twelfty on it.

Well that's it for this week, I'm off to open a nice bottle of red and see if I can find a film with Roger Moore, Alec Guiness or maybe Michael Caine in it. Have a Merry Christmas everyone.
Share >>>