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2019 Mar 23 - Mueller Report

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It’s been a busy week, asides from Brexit one of the big stories was the announcement that ISIS had finally been defeated, which is similar in concept to when their shoplifters were de-handed on many an occasion.

But the big story of the week was the completion of the Mueller Report which revealed that, drumroll please… Revealed that the past 2 years have been a complete waste of everyone’s time. It makes Theresa May’s 2 years in Brussels seem fairly productive in comparison; at least she achieved the goal of racking up enough airline points that she’ll be able to upgrade to first class long after she’s kicked out of politics.

The lack of any damning conclusions hasn’t exactly gone down terribly well with President Trump’s detractors though, it's been a mix of glass half full, glass half empty and glass being smashed against the wall at the realisation that the president won, not because of a rigged election but because Hilary Clinton was a profoundly unpopular candidate. The conclusion of the report's findings is a bit like when people lobbied for the sequel for To Kill A Mockingbird to be released by Harper Lee’s publishers, and then the academic left went nuts when it turned out that Atticus Finch the lead character from the first book turned out to be quite racist in the second one. This whole investigation has been like the Hitler Diaries nonsense, or when they opened Al Capone's Vault which turned out to have been empty all along.

But here we are, nearly 2 years after Mueller was named to oversee the investigation into obstruction of justice, collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia, plus anything else he wanted to really, I wouldn’t be surprised if the report contains a section determining whether the movie From Russia With Love is better than the original Ian Flemming novel? All we know is that President Trump, contrary to popular belief, was not scheming with the Kremlin. He was surrounded by scoundrels and his hangers on were about as trustworthy than a Scottish football coach who assures fans that they’ll win the world cup this time around. For now though, I’d recommend pouring a glass of something and sitting back while the Democratic presidential candidates for 2020 tear themselves apart over the disconnect between the narrative and the facts.
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2019 Mar 17 - St Patrick's Day Brexit Update

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It's been an especially violent and confrontational week but luckily today is St Patricks day, when we can forget about everything as we sip on a pint of Guinness and contemplate Ireland's long and famously violence free history. Q: What do you call a bulletproof irishman? A: Rick O'Shea Anyway, for now I'll stop, or should I say "backstop" because I suppose I should get back to the Brexit news.

The week saw Theresa May return to Westminster to have a second go at passing her Brexit agreement ......

2019 Mar 09 - North Korea Again

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Earlier this week I was wondering if Elton John liked Lettuce, then I realised that he was more of a rocket man. Well someone else who likes rockets is Kim Jong Un after satellite images this week revealed that the oversized dictator decided to rebuild the rocket launch site that had previously been destroyed.

Talks between the US and North Korea broke down recently so the communists decided to mark the occasion by rebuilding some rockets which will also almost certainly break down and fall int ......

2019 Mar 03 - India and Pakistan

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There was an especially high level of filler in the news this week, yet more articles about Brexit not to mention a selection of social and environmental stories that are about as newsworthy as if Fiona Bruce hosted a debate over whether to add the milk before or after the teabag. Yet in the mean time the world actually came pretty close to starting World War 3 this week when military tensions between India and Pakistan rose higher than an estimate for Jeff Bezos’ divorce bill.

The way that ......

2019 Feb 23 - Shamima Begum

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This week has seen a lot of debate, by which I mean politicallyy correct attention seeking, over whether teenager Shamima Begum should be allowed to return to the UK, after spending years living in ISIS controlled territory and discovering that 'ISIS' rhymes with 'crisis' and that like those still holding onto Blackberry telephones, the jihadist extremists are very much on the losing side these days; the territory held has been reduced to just a couple of hundred square miles, approximately the ......

2019 Feb 15 - Airbus A380 Ending Production

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This week saw Airbus announce that it was going to be ending production of its iconic A380, the double decker aircraft with a price tag as large as its size and its size matched only by the length of the security queue as people look at their watches and ponder two questions: 1) How is a bottle of water as dangerous as the machine gun next to it on the banned items list and 2) If you had planned to take a machine gun on board where were you planning on putting it? It certainly won't fit in the o ......

2019 Feb 03 - Russian Threats

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There have been a lot of ludicrous scare stories in the press about how Brexit will lead to war, pestilence, the deaths of millions, Jimmy Savile coming back to life, all the iPhones being rounded up and other similarly sensationalist nonsense. To be honest I doubt anything could be worse than the current situation where Tony Blair is given air time and political debate is reduced to discussing how everything from healthcare or the price of a train ticket is as a result of Brexit, or sometimes a ......

2019 Jan 27 - Mugabe & Macedonia

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With Brexit and President Trump hogging the headlines, sometimes it's easy to forget that there's a whole world of news out there and I don't mean the sports section of the newspaper, or that advertising section selling either made-to-measure chinos or perhaps premium rate phone numbers, depending on your newspaper of choice. I thought this week we'd look elsewhere and talk about 2 other things that happened in the world this week.

First of all to Zimbabwe and here's a joke for you: How does Ro ......

2019 Jan 19 - US Government Shutdown

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With Theresa May continuing to run down the clock, let's take a look at America where a government shutdown has been going on for several weeks, long enough that even drum soloists have started to look at their watches and question how much longer it has to go.

Normally budget disputes are solved by both sides coming together and agreeing to get the next year funded on the condition that certain additional chunks of money are set aside for wasteful but politically important job creation schemes ......

2019 Jan 13 - Brexit Update

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In spite of a referendum to supposedly settle the issue, Brexit apparently remains one of those divisive things, like marmite or Justin Bieber, although actually at least with those two most people can agree on the fact that they both go best on the end of a knife. Maybe a better example would be the film 2001 which is either a stunning untouchable masterpiece or (if you're under 30) in dire need of a reboot with laser fights and maybe Chris Hemsworth. Unfortunately that's the level of intellect ......

2019 Jan 05 - Happy New Year

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Happy new year, it's 2019. I imagine that if you asked Diane Abbott what 17 plus 1 is she'd reply, 20(or)019. This is also (finally) the year that science fiction film Blade Runner is set in so while we count down to Elon Musk selling us tickets to the off-world colonies, let's maybe take a look at what the next few months have in store down here on earth,

First to America where a new house of representatives have just taken their seats and promised to pass all sorts of crazy laws for the senat ......

2018 Dec 20 - Calvins Swiss Adventure

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I'm going to be away on holiday the next 2 weeks in the far north of Scotland so there won't be any new uploads until the new year. However, because I'm a generous individual, I've produced a Christmas present for you all in the form of a point and click adventure game which you can all play for free by clicking on the "Game" tab above

It really is free, not those "free" government services where they force you to pay hundreds of pounds at the end of every month. In "Calvin's Swiss Adventure" ......

2018 Dec 15 - What keeps May going?

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This week Theresa May finally grasped the idea that her deal has about the same chance of being formally enshrined in law as the 5-second rule or that one about stepping on the cracks in the pavement. A few days later and she flew out to Europe once more, expecting the EU commission to ditch ideological purity in favour of pragmatism or economics. There's about as much chance of that happening as there is of seeing Jade Goody being the face on the back of the new £50 note. After 2 years Mrs May ......

2018 Dec 09 - Paris Yellow Vest Protests

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It's the run up 'til Christmas and rather than the 2 calling birds or 3 french hens, the French government dispersed tear gas in Paris. Police fired into the crowd as a fourth weekend of anti-government protests turned violent. 8000 police and 12 armoured vehicles have been deployed in Paris and if you think you hear 12 drummers drumming, it's probably the sound of those 12 armoured vehicles being pelted with rocks, or possibly oyster shells and wine bottles because it's Paris and why not enjoy ......

2018 Dec 01 - That Brexit Bill

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This week we got to see Theresa May in action. Wait, hang on, there's no space in there, it's one word: inaction. This week we saw inaction from Theresa May, a lack of action or persuasion, the amount of productive work you'd normally more associate with a Mediterranean country on a hot afternoon. Even she knows the Brexit bill is terrible but her advisors think that promoting it alongside Jeremy Corbyn on a BBC televised debate might make it seem more palatable, like a prawn sandwich that's pas ......

2018 Nov 24 - Brexit deal "like the Titanic"

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Theresa May has a couple of different residences: sometimes she lives in Number 10 Downing Street, sometimes Chequers but for the most part she's living in fear and denial.

She's also living in cloud-cuckoo-land as she flies off this weekend to get the EU to sign off on her deal, under the misapprehension that a majority of MPs will vote for it when it comes back to Westminster. When you see the prime minister talking about how great an idea her deal is, it very much reminds of a contestant on ......

2018 Nov 17 - Theresa May Unveils her Brexit Plan

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This week Theresa May finally unveiled the details of her Brexit plan and in doing so became about as popular as Peter Sutcliffe at a WI meeting. Troops were mobilised, ministers resigned, letters were written, pieces were given to camera and if a week's a long time in politics, this upcoming week will likely feel like the DFS sale.

If you're clicking the refresh internet news website, waiting for an announcement of a leadership election, it almost feels like the old days waiting for a Ceefax p ......

2018 Nov 11 - US Election Aftermath

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This weekend marked 100 years since the end of the 1st world war and therefore it's also the end of 4 years of seeing the Sunday papers lazily padding out their pages with archive articles. Don’t worry though folks, it’s just one year until we start seeing 80 year commemorative articles about WW2. It's interesting, don't get me wrong, but it's not new. I guess a lifestyle and opinion journal calling itself a newspaper is a legacy thing, like the Carphone Warehouse, or SNP member swearing all ......

2018 Nov 03 - US Midterm Election

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It's a very exciting couple of days coming up in America. Asides from a National Sandwich Day and National Donut Day fast approaching it's also a massive mid-term election on Tuesday. I looked on Google and apparently Sunday 4th is actually "National Common Sense Day" but rest assured, that will all be forgotten when people on both the right and the left go to the polls to vote in a 2 party system where a brutal combination of districting, voter suppression and an electoral system about as hones ......

2018 Oct 28 - Pipe Bomb Attacks

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Well it's halloween time but there's always someone who takes it too far and this year it was a 56 year old man in Florida who took it upon himself to scare politicians by sending them over a dozen pipe bombs in the post. The potential victims included the Clintons, former president Obama as well as actor Robert Deniro who having escaped a grisly death akin to Goodfellas or the Godfather, will now have many more years in which to murder his reputation with films like the Fockers series or that o ......
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