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2018 Sep 22 - Theresa May in Salzburg

20180922
Theresa May has had a fairly bad run of luck with her Brexit plans so when I heard that she was heading out to Austria, I half expected her to land in Melbourne after a miscommunication. Nonetheless, the plane touched down and she began a quick round of negotiations that turned out to be about as productive as a Venezuelan factory.

Mrs May had gone over to Salzburg in order to push her Chequers proposal again but whilst Salzaburg was once home to Mozart, this week it was more Like that John Cage piece where there's utter silence for 4 minutes and nothing meaningful happens. The EU's position, like a pretentious European art film is very black and white: you're either in the club or not and Theresa May can either leave with no deal or sign one in which the UK continues to benefit from all of the EU's "freedoms" such as freedom of moment, freedom for the EU's court in Luxembourg to overturn British legal cases, and of course freedom for the Labour party to not have to get round to deciding their position on any of the issues at stake. For Brussels who want ever closer union, Britain gaining special status would be seen as the start of something precipitous, the diplomatic equivalent of a tv show introducing celebrity cameos or major cast changes.

One other option on the table is the Brussels Backstop, where England Scotland and Wales get to go their own separate way but Northern Ireland becomes permanently annexed into being an EU protectorate in very much the same way that allegedly independent Kosovo has experienced over the past decade.

Just as there will only ever be two series of Fawlty Towers, in this political farce there will only be two options on the table: one of which breaks up the UK and one of which likely leads to the overall break up of the EU. In amidst all of it we might also even see the Labour party break up with the more moderate MPs departing to form a new anti-Brexit centrist party at Westminster. Let's hope not though because electoral charts and graphs are already too colourful and garish in my mind without a new pink or turquoise block having to be add to the mix, all for the sake of Tony Blair or Chuka Umunna's vanity.
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2018 Sep 15 - Hurricane Florence & 2 Russian Spies

20180915
It's once again tropical storm season with Hurricane Florence crashing into America's east coast like Mel Gibson in the parking lot outside a liquor store. In addition to the loss of life and the economic impact of the storm, the property damage alone is estimated to be $170bn and you have to remember that that's just the initial quote the repairman gave. So bear that in mind when you look at the pictures of mobile homes and trailers which have been for whatever reason, remained firmly in place ......

2018 Sep 08 - Trump's Traitor

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2018 Sep 01 - Anti-Semitism in the Labour Party

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Ok, Frank Field and possibly others are finally quitting the Labour Party so it's time to get round to talking about anti-semitism and Jeremy Corbyn's purposeful woeful attempt to eradicate it. Until a couple of years ago the Labour Party was run by Ed Miliband, someone who claimed to be not just jewish but a modern sort of jewish where you get to eat bacon sandwiches and have your own set of ten commandments carved up except instead of Judaeo-Christian laws they're actually vague promises about ......

2018 Aug 25 - Manafort and Cohen Guilty

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Paul Manafort, the president's campaign chairman was found guilty on 8 counts consisting of tax fraud, bank fraud, hiding foreign bank accounts, and now faces 240 years in jail. That's a ......

2018 Aug 18 - Aretha Franklin & Trump's Military Parade

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This week saw the loss of music legend Aretha Franklin after her final major hit turned out to be morphine. I imagine that she's up there singing, RESPECT while recently deceased Barry Chuckle follows the line "you know what it means to me" with "means to you" Aretha passed away on the 16th which was also the same date that Elvis died and the same date that Pete Best was kicked out of the Beatles, thus loosing out on a lot of money, but at the same time avoiding having to ever spend time with Yo ......

2018 Aug 11 - Boris, Burkas and the Space Force

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Two stories this week and just like spellings of the word Colour, one is from the UK and one from America.

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2018 Aug 04 - Zimbabwe Election

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Whenever you have a vote to decide something, the losers generally try to undermine and question the result, whether it be something like the EU Referendum result, or a more contentious issue like when work colleagues go for lunch and the one person who doesn't drink decides that they'd sooner admit to selling company property on eBay then have to split the bill evenly.

This takes us onto the topic of the recent election result in Zimbabwe which is being contested by the opposition, who in this ......

2018 Jul 29 - Fires

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The news has been a bit quiet this week in the world of politics although former cricketer Imran Khan won an election and will be in charge of Pakistan if such a thing were in any way possible. But this is the age of celebrity of course where sportsmen become politicians, tv reality show host Donald Trump became the US President and the UK has a prime minister who frankly wouldn't look out of place on Countdown's Dictionary Corner, managing to somehow still misspell things and insist that her an ......

2018 Jul 21 - Trump and Putin

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This week started off with a press conference between President Trump and Vladimir Putin in which Mr Trump fully exonerated the Russian president before saying that he in fact meant to say the opposite. Just like when Theresa May claimed that Brexit meant Brexit.

Since then, there's been talk about Vladimir Putin visiting the US, ideas thrown around about exchanging people for "questioning" and right now Sylvester Stallone is finishing up the 8th instalment in the Rocky franchise so maybe he'll ......

2018 Jul 14 - Will Theresa May Survive?

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Lots of Theresa May news week. I don't think there's been this much activity at Westminster since that time Cyrill Smith discovered it was possible to clear his internet search history. Over last 7 days, MPs had had a bit of time to read the details of the Brexit paper that Theresa May put out last weekend and was about as popular as a rattlesnake in a lucky dip

David Davis resigned, as did Boris Johnson along with a number of lesser known ministers and it's currently a case of seeing whether e ......

2018 Jul 08 - Theresa's Latest Brexit Plan

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If you wanted a great visual analogy for Theresa May's premiership then you could do worse than watch a news report on those kids stuck in a cave in Thailand. They're trapped, in the dark and at risk of not making it to the end of the month, and that's just the Prime Minister. Mind you, because those kids have been living under a rock for the last week so they haven't had watch the round-the-clock build-up leading to a football match. Very similar to those other football matches you get most Sat ......

2018 Jun 30 - New Supreme Court Justice

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Wow, summer's here and it is hot out there, call me Sylvia Plath, because it feels like my head's in an oven. But with spring gone it's not just the weather losing it's cool, the internet is all up in arms because Donald Trump is going to be electing a new judge to the US Supreme Court.

Justice Anthony Kennedy is stepping down after several decades on the bench, although at 81 years old who can blame him. When I'm that age the only bench I'd want to be on would be in a nice park somewhere. I sa ......

2018 Jun 24 - Illegal migrants on the US Border

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Still lots of football going on out there with more passes than Diane Abbott on Mastermind. But elsewhere, this week saw the US involved in what was either described as mass human rights abuses on the Mexican border, or the culmination of decades of mismanagement when it comes to immigration. President Trump was keen to stress that this was actually the continuation of an Obama-era policy which only made the situation more confusing really, what would possess the president to actually embrace on ......

2018 Jun 16 - World Cup and US-China Tariffs

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The world cup has kicked off, or at least the ball has been kicked, the cup itself remains safely in the cabinet, much like David Davis in spite of his threats to the contrary. The football tournament though, that's being held in Russia over the next couple of weeks. If you're an England fan it's not long to wait until that moment when they fail to win and Gareth Southgate is forced to inevitably resign over his sole responsibility for England failing to be the best team in the entire world, no ......

2018 Jun 10 - G7 Summit

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This weekend Canada hosted the G7 conference, a political get-together with a level of expectation and excitement akin to watching the numbers on a microwave ticking down before your substandard dinner. These meetings are supposedly meant to help the worlds biggest economies sort out ideas, which is no doubt why they don't invite China or India to the big economies get-together. To add insult to injury, Germany gets invited twice, once as itself and once as its puppet the EU.

President Trump wa ......

2018 Jun 03 - World News Roundup

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This week I thought I'd do a quick roundup of some of the various news stories from around the world. Like a Chinese buffet of news, except of course with less cat meat.

In America President Trump decided to implement a series of import tariffs on steel and aluminium which may or may not be illegal although I imagine that if it does go to court then the devil will be in the detail and the lawyers will probably spent most of the time arguing about whether the metal is spelled aluminium or alumin ......

2018 May 26 - Korean Peace?

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Breaking news as the Korean Peninsula might be prepared to break out into all-out full-scale peace. Recently a book fell on my head and I only had my shelf to blame, but the the blame for the inability to agree to a peace deal for the past 60 years? Well that's long and complicated and largely above the pay grade of our current generation of politicians. Most recently, President Trump has been keen to sort out a peace deal as a grand plot twist to his real life reality tv series. Actually, when ......

2018 May 19 - Royal Wedding

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It's the weekend of the Royal wedding, the television equivalent of a mandatory powerpoint presentation at work. But crack open some sparkling wine and raise a glass to the thought of a half hour news program featuring no mention of Brexit, Russia meaningful content. For those small shops up and down the land selling small flags and London bus keychains, it's truly a day of celebration. Or if you have zero interest in the whole thing, why not go for a day out at the Legoland in Windsor which I s ......

2018 May 12 - Syria + Iran

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More fun and games in Syria this week, Israel launched an air attack and left the sort of destruction you normally only see when the Daily Mail runs an article about binge drinking and British town centers on a Friday night. In response, Bashar Al-Assad, wanting to look like a strong military leader, no doubt quoted that famous line by Lt. Colonel Custer at the Battle of Little Bighorn, namely "where are all those darned tomahawks coming from?!"

So what's happening then? Well Syria is currently ......
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