2021 Apr 18 - Prince Phillip's Funeral & Russians Threatening Ukraine

Most of this weekend’s news focused on the Duke of Edinburgh’s funeral at Windsor, there was a 41-gun salute, followed by a phone call from Emmanuel Macron saying that they surrendered, and a protest in America demanding a ban on assault-style ceremonial cannons. No sign of Meghan of course, although perhaps she’s claiming to have attended a secret private funeral a few days ago with just the Archbishop of Canterbury in attendance. I did personally wonder why there were so many people at the event although I later saw David Icke commenting that the Covid rules about family gatherings do not apply to lizards or shapeshifters. All things considered I found the more bizarre story to be the one about how Prince Andrew expected to be allowed to show up wearing an admiral’s uniform, as if the funeral was some kind of bespoke-tailored fancy dress occasion. Who would have thought that Phillip’s least embarrassing son would end up being the one that talked to trees? Personally speaking if I was the prime minister I would have stepped in and told Andrew to wear the outfit on condition that immediately afterwards he was flown out to Ukraine where a major naval skirmish may be about to kick off. She how dedicated to the cause he really is.

The situation in Ukraine is actually rather serious, but sadly that fact is no longer news, one of Ukraine’s biggest imports in recent years has been the Russian military and after Putin was criticized by NATO for annexing Sevastopol he was reported to have shrugged and said “Crimea River” Personally I’m just glad I wasn’t born there, mostly because I don’t speak a word of Russian, though also because it looks like Vladimir is itching to invade again. And why not, it’s an election year and there are seats in the Duma up for grabs so he needs to make sure everyone knows he’s got Russian interests at the forefront, rather than Russian assets in his bank account. In the meantime, Alexi Navalny, the opposition leader, is slowly dying in jail, although half the voters suspect him of being a CIA backed stooge anyway and there’s no conceivable way that Putin would actually lose. It’s a fairly depressing situation really but then wasn’t it always. It’s just a shame that we aren’t at least getting a new Tolstoy or Faberge or Shostakovich out of it. Say what you will about Stalin or the Tzars, at least we got some good music and books out of it all. As for these days the best we can hope for is whatever piece of music they enter into the Eurovision Song Contest next month. Personally speaking I’d rather sign up and join the military in Ukraine than sit through an evening of that. Given the shear scale of the Russian troop buildup on the border, at least the war looks like it will take less time to be over and done with, at least until another year. Just imagine if the BBC got Graham Norton to commentate on their News Chanel, I jest of course, they would never do that, because he’s white and over the age of 50.
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2021 Apr 11 - The Duke of Edinburgh Passes

Royal news this week as Prince Phillip the queen’s husband, passed away at the age of 99 which is a shame because if he’d lived another 2 months then he would have gotten a telegram from the queen.

When it comes to the royal family, I’m pretty ambivalent, they’re certainly better than having President Blair, they make for an interesting national soap opera and if it wasn’t for the royals then what would we name hospitals, railways and especially drinking establishments after. We can ......

2021 Apr 04 - France/EU/Astrazeneca

Tragedy as a 51 people were killed in a horrific train derailment, the accident was labeled, “made in Taiwan”
The BBC also announced that Sue Cook was going to be leaving A Question of Sport, presumably along with most of its viewers
And in Covid news, Scotland lifted its ‘stay at home’ rule, although it’s not expected to have any impact on whether the football team travels to the World Cup next year

The big story for me this week though has been the increasingly farcical situation in ......

2021 Mar 28 - Ship Stuck in the Suez Canal

Billy Joel once sang a song that mentioned ‘trouble in the Suez’ and right now that would be topical because the Suez Canal currently resembles another major transit route: specifically the M25 on a bank holiday Friday (albeit in a year when there’s not a pandemic: the roads are actually pretty good right now actually even if there’s nowhere to actually drive to)

But this week a container vessel named the Ever Given collided with the side of the canal and managed to get stuck sideways. ......

2021 Mar 21 - Sturgeon Guilty

This week: Kate Middleton paid tributes to murdered woman Sarah Everard, palace officials were keen to stress that the event was not a rehearsal. Elsewhere rumours abound that Elton John is working on a new version of candle in the wind

Also, a bizarre series of photos were published of Shamima Begum wearing western style clothes as her supporters again try to make the case for her returning to Britain when in reality she’s about as welcome as Julian Assange with a USB US memory stick

But ......

2021 Mar 14 - Covid + Harry & Meghan

Covid news this week as the bureaucratic farce known as the EU have given up trying to steal vaccines and instead go crawling to Vladimir Putin asking if he has some spare vaccines he can sell them. The Russian-developed Sputnik V vaccine has been shown to be quite effective although I’m guessing that its dispensed by members of the state police jabbing vaccine laced umbrellas into unsuspecting members of the public maybe asking if they want to with them to a small room to be shot, by which t ......

2021 Mar 07 - Cat in the Hat + Harry & Meghan

A bit of news in France this week as Nicolas Sarkozy was found guilty of trying to bribe a judge in 2014. I'm guessing it was an actual judge, but then he's a former politician so maybe it was a judge on the French version of Strictly. Or perhaps the X Factor, he is an "ex" president after all and he's been married 3 times.

The main stories were from America though where the culture wars and cancel culture continue. This time it is the beloved children books The Cat In The Hat that's been brand ......

2021 Feb 28 - Alex Salmond & Nicola Sturgeon

In the news this week
- Shamima Begum learnt that she’s definitely going to be unable to return to Britain after her court appeal process turned all ironic and blew up in her face
- Captain Tom was finally laid to rest although in bizzarely cruel turn of events, the casket was carried in a German-built Mercedes-Benz followed by a BMW.
- Harry and Meghan did two major TV appearances, being interviewed by Oprah and James Corden, leading many to demand that Harry & Meghan should change their atte ......

2021 Feb 20 - Harry, Australia & Mars

A couple news stories this wee. Prince Harry has been told he’s not allowed to wear formal British Army dress at official functions any more. The new directive of course is an expansion on the existing rule about not wearing German military clothing after that story in the Sun a few years ago. His grandfather the Duke of Edinburgh has also been taken into hospital and so it’s a tense time for newspaper editors up and down the land as they wait to see if it’s time to finally send out the ......

2021 Feb 14 - Year of the Ox

Happy Chinese new year, apparently it’s the Year of the Ox, not to be mistaken for the year of the pox, which was last year. One of my favourite stories from China this week was the communist party’s decision to ban the BBC due to its “Unfair, Untruthful Journalism” which kinda makes me wish that Boris took a leaf out of Beijing’s book: if the PM wants to sort out the thing with the French fishermen he could start treating the English Channel the way that they treat the China sea. Ob ......

2021 Feb 07 - Newspaper Review

This week I was going to take a look at the headlines in the various Sunday Papers but it's all the same corona stuff about how Boris is on the road to de-mask us (damascus)

So anyway let's look at some of the other front page things

The Telegraph has a story about how Prince Charles wants to save the planet by ditching scientific jargon. He would have done better making that suggestion 25 years ago so that words like 'velocity' 'underpass' and 'blood alcohol' weren't known. He's also behind t ......

2021 Jan 31 - Gamestop Shares

Let’s go for a bit of financial news this week. Normally when stories about business make it into the headlines it means one of only 5 things:

1) Petrol Prices are up and the BBC blames it on Brexit
2) Petrol Prices are down and the BBC claim that it's the start of a Brexit-induced recession
3) Maybe petrol prices are flat but an economist from the Labour Party is brought on about wider Brexit-related economic concerns. You know, I'm starting to spot a trend here...
4) Maybe unemployment is u ......

2021 Jan 24 - Trump Out Biden In

And thus ends four years of President Trump, and the Queen moves onto eventually meeting her 13th US President. Unlucky for some, especially if you live in Syria where the last 4 years have been somewhat of a reprieve from the Obama-Biden era. President Trump though. I’ve found it strange and astonishing that many people I know in remote parts of the UK have seemingly spent the past 4 obsessing over him, despite him having as much impact in their day-to-day life as my choice of breakfast today ......

2021 Jan 17 - Government Waste

They say that "money talks" but when it comes to the government, all that ever says is good-bye as civil servants keep frittering it away like they're embarrassed to be seen with. And here you and I are watching it all from the sidelines, though I once met someone who says that the trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.

Anyway, sit back as I count down some of the worse examples of UK government largesse

10) Nationalised industries
I thought I'd start of a prologue of sorts to sh ......

2021 Jan 10 - Washington DC Chaos

Chaos this week in America with videos of a brawl and takeover of the capitol building that were both exciting, yet also slightly dull because normally when you see that sort of stuff happening, someone like Steven Seagal shows up. Or maybe Michael Bay is filming it so for some reason stones and rocks are suddenly flammable because physics in his world makes about as much sense as the concepts like integrity or decency in the world of Washington DC.

As to the violence and bloodshed, the main st ......

2021 Jan 02 - Happy New Year

Welcome back, how was everyone's Christmas break? Hopefully better than at Debenhams where they apparently had to cancel their nativity play due to a lack of a prophet (profit). In my house a memorable highpoint (or lowlight) was when someone tried to use "Brexit" as a word in Scrabble and thus caused a bit of an argument as to whether it was allowed or not, although at least after we confirmed the rules we accepted the result rather than trying to drag the game into next Christmas. Did you hear ......

2020 Dec 14 - 12 Days of Christmas

With both Brexit and Christmas only a couple weeks away I thought I’d look at how the 12 days of Christmas are looking this year.

Twelve drummers drumming. There’s an old joke about two cowboys riding through a canyon and they hear the ominous sound of drums beating. One of them said, "I don't like the sound of those drums." And a distant voice shouts out "He's not our regular drummer!" But anyway, most of the drummers I’ve seen the last year or two were the peoples referendum weirdos ma ......

2020 Dec 06 - Brexit & Fishing

This past year people might not have been paying attention but the Brexit clock has steadily been ticking along, although for me the only clock it reminded me of is that one in the movie Groundhog Day where it flips over ever morning and Bill Murray has to do the same story to camera day after day after day. But in a year where Covid has dominated the news story it’s almost somewhat refreshing, a throwback to last year, seeing Michel Barnier stumbling out of a limo spouting a bunch of nonsense ......

2020 Nov 29 - Maradona & Iran

There were a couple non-Covid deaths this past week, notable the Argentine footballer Maradona who finally kicked/punched the bucket at the age of 60. In England the passing was celebrated by many, although he was of course deeply mourned in both Argentina and Scotland. I'm guessing that as a mark of respect there was maybe talk about removing all the white lines from the side of the pitch seeing as how Maradonna largely died at 60 because he cut more lines than an Audi driver in a hurry.

Elsew ......

2020 Nov 22 - Covid Update

I’m back this week after a last minute arranged little holiday before yet more lockdowns, so I guess in some respects I was learning from Rishi Sunak’s example of running up the credit card. Or possibly Kier Starmer’s example of spending a week not really doing any work. Or Boris’ for that matter. He’s supposedly on a new exercise regime following his Covid scare but given his work ethic I wonder if it mostly involves doing diddly-squats.

Mind you, of all the potential holidays going ......