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2018 Apr 22 - North Korea's Stopping it's Nuclear Testing

20180422
On Saturday morning the world awoke to the news that North Korea had promised to give up its nuclear testing and missile launches. And I'm guessing Kim Jong Un woke up with an absolute stinker of a hangover and vaguely remembered making promises the previous night that he maybe regretted the morning after the night before. For him, I imagine phoning up Donald Trump at midnight is his equivalent of phoning an ex-girlfriend 10 minutes before the pub closes.

Maybe I'm being disingenuous and this was all a result of weeks of diplomacy, strategic use of twitter, a grand combination of Chinese economic intervention, John Bolton bringing fresh ideas to the diplomatic table maybe some more tweets from president Trump, some nudging from the Russians and some additional twitter diplomacy with Fox & Friends of course being kept in the loop at all times.;

Or perhaps it's just that the North Koreans's have finally figured out that Uranium is pretty expensive and that they've had to decide between Kim's taste for nuclear weapons and his taste for, well, anything on a plate, he's not fussy. He prefers chocolate cake to uranium yellowcake and I'd make some joke about the type of "rocket" that's green, leafy and makes up a salad except he's more the sort of chap that orders a dozen fried crispy wontons for a starter. I suppose I'd do the same mind if I lived right next to China.

It's only when North Korea returns to the news though that you realise how lucky we have it in the west. The UK government recently lost the paperwork for the Windrush generation and as a result they'll likely receive compensation. In North Korea the government is somewhat more strict about people having the correct documentation and their definition of a 'labour camp' makes the uk Labour Party's summer camp discussing Brexit policy look quite appealing in comparison. Well I don't know, 10 years in the frozen tundra vs 10 days listening to Emily Thornberry devising a coherent foreign policy. And you know I still prefer Kim's fondness for fried chicken compared to Jeremy Corbyn's veganism.
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2018 Apr 15 - Syria

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One of the problems with Syria is that we can either let President Assad remain in charge or we can force him out and let ISIS fill the power vacuum. It's like in the Star Wars prequels when Liam Neeson helped destroy that droid army but then he died and Jar-Jar Binks became a senator.

Maybe we could force Assad out and have an election in Syria, and the Russians definitely won't try to rig it with the hundreds of personal they have all over the country. If you've ever been to a carnival and wa ......

2018 Apr 07 - London's Violent Crimewave

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A number of years ago in London I saw a sign in the pub warning about thieves operating and after I was asked to pay £7 for a pint I realised that they were mostly standing behind the bar. However, this week saw a violent crime wave epidemic in London coming to world prominence as the city overtook New York's crime rate.

As with many other problems in London like the cost of living or the mostly lackluster performance of football clubs' the Champions League, there are lots of underlying causes ......

2018 Mar 31 - Russia + Brexit

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It's Easter weekend so maybe you're watching this before heading out to a church service or in many cases, the pub. Just be sure to look out for Russian spies because if you see someone lying in the street in the gutter outside Wetherspoons then it could be that it's in fact a former Russian businessman or outspoken critic of Vladimir Putin. I'm sure that nerve gas is a good excuse if you return home and you're met with questions about why it took 6 hours to go to the shops and why you're now st ......

2018 Mar 24 - Cambridge Analytica

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When it comes to news, this week has been more packed than Boris Johnson's vocabulary or Dianne Abbott's lunchbox. We finally got some headway on Brexit, HR McMaster was sacked and France had another terror attack: woowzers and I thought my local supermarket was bad on a Friday

But in the background has been the slow burning social media data story involving Facebook and Cambridge Analytica. At first I thought Cambridge Analytica was the stage name of one of President Trump's former girlfriends ......

2018 Mar 17 - Rex Tillerson's Gone

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It had been a while since President Trump fired anyone and that's supposed to be his catchphrase after all so this week he decided to get rid of Rex "Texan Exec" Tillerson. The whole thing has been widely described as "unprecedented" in so much has the former oil executive managed to stay in the role for over a year before being shown the door but the two never got on. That seemed a shame really as with Rex's petrochemical background and Trump's famously shoddy regard for building contractors, t ......

2018 Mar 11 - Trump will meet Kim Jong Un

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Big news in the world of diplomacy, bigger than Kim Jong Un's waistline even. It was announced that President Trump and Kim Jong Un are going to be meeting in person. This marks a big shift in diplomacy from both the North Koreans as well as the president who has spent the past year or so conducting international affairs via Twitter with all the dexterity of a drugged horse

The meeting itself could be a set-piece historic event like the Yalta Conference in 1945 when Franklin Roosevelt met with ......

2018 Mar 03 - Snow and Brexit

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It's snow joking matter, the UK's been so cold that pickpockets have been keeping their hands in their pockets and the counter-terrorism police have considered extending their remit to combat both ISIS as well as just regular Ice.

It's been a while since the UK last had a winter, nearly a year in fact and as usual their's the shots of slow moving motorways, roving reporters wandering deserted small town high streets and my favourite, the shot of hundreds of children sledging and hanging out at ......

2018 Feb 24 - Jeremy Corbyn the Spy?

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This week I thought we'd talk about the Jeremy Corbyn spy story. Yes I know that the US school shooting thing is possibly a bigger news story but I try to keep these things funny and the gun control debate is about as light hearted as a poem by Wilfred Owen.

So to quote the security services "let's talk about Jeremy Corbyn." Was he a spy? Or did he think that novel "The Spy Who Came In From The Cold" was something about winter fuel costs and an excuse to re-nationalise the gas industry?

The ba ......

2018 Feb 18 - Russia Update

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Normally when there's a "Russia update" it's means bad news, just ask Napoleon. It's often the one of worst kind of updates you can get, just short of that update that pops up on your computer constantly demanding that you upgrade Adobe Flash.

So to this week's Russia update when Robert Mueller put out a report naming 13 Russians who supposedly set up a troll farm in order to sway the result of the 2016 election. My favourite part of the report was when it talks about the Russians financing the ......

2018 Feb 11 - Market Crash

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The big story of the past week was the stock market which has been dropping faster than pro-democracy candidates in a Russian election.

The FTSE 100 finished the week down nearly 400 points and the Dow Jones put in 2 historic record-breaking falls before recovering to “only” finish the week 1100 points down and if things get much worse, ExxonMobile will have to start laying off congressmen.

Of course, those people who’ve been holding onto their Carillion shares or their Bitcoins probably ......

2018 Feb 03 - FBI Memo Released

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This week Washington DC was looking forward to the release of an FBI memo with the sort of anticipation you'd more readily associate with an launch of a new iPhone or a perhaps the release of a video in which Piers Morgan conveys empathy or genuine selflessness.

In the end, there was a story and it is a scandal but in the past few weeks we'd all been promised something so shocking that the public would see the 'deep state' for what it is and demand that the FBI be disbanded. But so far really t ......

2018 Jan 27 - Davos

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It was the Davos summit this week. That means the great and good of the world... stayed at home and watched the scumbags of the world turn up in Switzerland to talk to one another. There were the usual elected officials like Theresa May President Trump, or Emmanuel Macron. There were also lots of unelected folk there too like Jean-Claude Juncker and George Soros not to mention John McDonnell who stayed at a hotel so expensive that he made Emily Thornberry look like a Cava Socialist.

At the conf ......

2018 Jan 21 - Carillion & US Government Shutdown

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Two big money-related stories this week, the collapse of the company Carillion in the UK and the shutdown of the US government.

Let's talk about Carillion first. The construction giant was one of the big contractors, along with the likes of Serco that the government went to when it decided to regularly capitulate to the demands of pesky voters to build roads or hospitals or the like. If you've ever seen a politician doing a photo op on a construction site in a neon vest and a hardhat then there ......

2018 Jan 13 - Trump and S***hole Countries

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This week I'd initially planned to talk about Theresa May's cabinet reshuffle except that frankly the most visible change was that the various cabinet ministers changed their shirts and ties between day one and day two. The main news this week (of course) was from Washington DC where the president decided to draw attention to himself. Sure presidents love to steal the show, Bill Clinton famously carried a saxophone with him in order to outshine George Bush or Ross Perot should the situation aris ......

2018 Jan 06 - Fire & Fury

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If you're normal then you're probably looking for an excuse to stay inside and delay having to start that big New Year excessive regime you'd planned in detail when you'd had a sherry too many. Well you're in luck because sit down in a big comfy armchair and pour yourself a large glass of something because there's a new 'must read' book out called Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House.

The name "Fire and Fury" of course makes it of course sound a bit like a new Game Of Thrones novel but t ......

2017 Dec 31 - End of the Year

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It's the end of December and the end of 2017 and it's possibly the end of the line if you're the sort of person who originally became a politician or a tv celebrity to get close to the young female interns. Of course I'm joking, Kevin Spacey got into show business for the young male interns, he's probably looking forward to 2018 because he thinks there's 2000 of them.

Talking about "end of the line" though, one of the stories I'm sure we'll see a lot more about in the future was this week's ann ......

2017 Dec 23 - Christmas

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It's nearly Christmas so I thought this week I'd retell a classic Christmas joke. One day in the run up to Christmas, a newspaper posts a question to Downing Street asking what Theresa May has asked Father Christmas for. There's a long a protracted debate in number 10 about the ethics of the question - it can't be anything too fancy after all - and in the end Theresa May lets the journalist know that she's wanting some chocolates and a nice bottle of English sparkling wine, to sit down with whil ......

2017 Dec 16 - Brexit & Alabama

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Big political moves in Westminster and Alabama this week; two places that don’t often have much in common although if you’re a politician from the West Midlands and fancy a holiday to America, why not spend a week at the Hilton in Birmingham - Birmingham Alabama that is - and try submitting the 1st class airline ticket as an “honest mistake” ?

But first let’s discuss the Brexit vote in Westminster. Essentially the parliament will now get to vote on whether they like Theresa May’s de ......

2017 Dec 10 - Brexit + Trump Names Jerusalem Israeli Capital

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Brexit news: don't look now but apparently it's going pretty well, for now at least, supposedly. People talk about politicians being out of touch but I always think that for those ministers involved in the Brexit process, getting stuff to happen must be a good analogy for us regular folks trying to get an old car to scrape through an MOT for one last time.

This past week actually started out looking quite bleak on the Brexit front, I'm sure Theresa May was imagining the upcoming news headlines ......
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