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2019 Oct 15 - State Opening of Parliament

20191015
I'm posting a little bit late this week but I guess that's in keeping with the overall Brexit theme this year. Just be glad I don't copy the HS2 delays and send everyone an apology by means of an invoice.

But did anything of note even happen of late? Well actually it was the Queen's Speech, perhaps you didn't notice or maybe you were too full up with turkey and red wine, oh wait no that's the other Queen's speech. This is the one where she reads out whatever Dominic Cummings hands her, which this time round included 26 government bills most of which are aspirational, seeing as even the Prime Minister's closest allies assume that most of the next year will be taken up with organising trade agreements. But then these days government bills try to make up in quantity what they lack in quality.

You'd think that parliament would be fairly popular with the leftist, green-fanatics, what with how they reuse and recycle the same costumes, year after year to the extent that parliamentary procedure now looks increasingly like a period drama, not helped by the fact that the building itself still retains its antique charm with everything from hand painted wallpaper to more serious structural things like asbestos everywhere and no doubt lead pipes if you look hard enough. Also, it's worth noting that when it comes green credentials the queen often makes a point of choosing a horse drawn carriage over something with a combustion engine but of course not, the green lot and their friends will never be satisfied. Instead we got a few hours of followup criticising every part of the day to the extent that you half expected someone to demand that the Queen try it in another language to accommodate those who don't speak english, by which I mean the sort of people who speak Flemish and ride around in a big German car. For me the most puzzling observation all day was from someone on the news commenting about government spending and they said that "cuts lead to knife violence" Surely the other way around though isn't it (If you think about it)
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2019 Oct 06 - Brexit (not a lot happening)

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A couple of weeks ago it was was commanded by the courts that parliament must return to session; it MUST sit, lest civilization collapse, like the England football team in a penalty shootout. So everyone was sent back and almost no work was done because there's frankly little that can actually be done now by MPs until the Prime Minister decides the next move. It's like the bit in a chess game where people are staring at the board while the clock counts down and half the audience are actually sta ......

2019 Sep 28 - Democrats want to impeach Trump

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Not sure if you've been to the cinema recently but whether it's the Avengers, Star Wars or Frozen II's upcoming release, sequels are all the rage. Which is why in America, the Democrats are keen to play to their base and make a sequel to the Muller Report with a wildcard and ultimately doomed to fail impeachment procedure. And as with Hobbs & Shaw, the 9th in that film trilogy, both are expected to be really really popular in California, but ultimately lacklustre and largely forgettable elsewher ......

2019 Sep 20 - Israel & Saudi Arabia

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Two big stories coming out of the middle east this week, a part of the world divided along multiple disagreements: islam vs judaism, Russia vs America, whether or not a star should have 5 or 6 points or whether you should just depict a weapon on your flag because nothing symbolises a modern peace-seeking nation better than a big shiny sword.

First to Israel where a tied election has led to a stalemate after Benjamin Netanyahu received slightly fewer votes than his opponent, Benny Gantz. Both wo ......

2019 Sep 14 - David Cameron's Book

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David Cameron left office a couple of years ago after resigning so what has he been up to? Well for one I saw that not too long ago the Chinese invited him to speak which only goes to show that it's hard to know who the British Prime Minister is these days if you decide to ban Google and Wikipedia. And it was china so it cost a few hundred grand because they don't like free speech. Anyway, in addition to scraping a living giving after dinner speeches he decided to do what most people do when the ......

2019 Sep 06 - Westminster Brexit Chaos

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The last couple of days at Westminsters have been a mess, certainly far worse than anything I've seen and I'm in the process of toilet training a 3 year old. But let's try to simplify and lay out the process of how we got here:

1) MPs don't want to want Brexit to happen, even though the public do and many of those MPs were explicitly elected promising to deliver it. As an analogy This is a like me promising to buy kitchen roll from the corner shop, then spending the money on wine and later refu ......

2019 Aug 31 - Boris Suspends Parliament

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I was once recommended that if you're buying lottery tickets then you should wear apache war paint and an American Indian head-dress because apparently "fortune favours the brave" and talking about that expression, Boris Johnson certainly upped his game this week, finally moving the Brexit saga into the end stage and putting an end to the bespoke stalemate and 3 years of can nothingness that Theresa May had so expertly crafted, in order to grind everyone down. The last couple of years have seen ......

2019 Aug 24 - Fires in Brazil

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This week the French President met with the British Prime Minister and faced a number of domestic issues and so it was with little surprise that many news outlets decided to show all the investigative integrity of Fred West's gardener and instead they focused on a vacuous tweet he made about the fires currently raging in the Amazon.

The comment in question was about a number of admittedly under-reported fires in Brazil, although the press didn't seem to mind when the Olympics were being held in ......

2019 Aug 17 - Hong Kong Protests

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Looking over the news I thought that the pop band "Flock of Seagulls" had died in a plane crash, but it turns out to have been been a plane downed in Russia after being struck by some birds. Makes a change from the government crashing a plane I suppose. Therefore this week we look further eastward to Hong Kong where protests have escalated faster than the number of lawsuits filed against Jeffrey Epstein.

This week there were shots of the the Hong Kong police firing pepper spray, certainly not t ......

2019 Aug 10 - Jeremy Corbyn wants The Queen to make him PM

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Looking over the news this week, I wondered if the climate protesters were up to their usual tricks in London but it turned out to just be the 50th anniversary of the Beatles Abbey Road album and a bunch of idiots commemorated it by blocking the zebra crossing, which happens to be on a major road, while observing motorists sat motionless, wishing that the fans would start recreating the latter minutes of John Lennon's life.

There's also headlines about a power outage, although on further inspec ......

2019 Aug 03 - Meanwhile in Asia

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This week I thought we'd look at what's been going on in Asia, because while many would like to equate the Brecon and Radnorshire bi-election as something monumental, pivotal, professizing the end times, it says a lot when the Liberal Democrats consider it an achievement to retake one of their long-held seats from a incumbent criminal. It's like boasting about putting on weight or writing in your CV that your key skills involve knowing how to do the Macarena.

In contrast, the Far East however s ......

2019 Jul 27 - Boris Becomes PM

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This week Boris Johnson finally achieved his lifelong ambition of becoming Prime Minister; I guess that becoming the Prime Minister is the one aspect of life where you might actually want to copy something that Theresa May has done, obviously ignore everything she did afterwards. Anyway, long before Boris had even gotten out of the car, there was of course wailing and gnashing of teeth from the media with words like "mandate" and "democracy" being bandied around shamelessly, no doubt those in th ......

2019 Jul 20 - Brexit and the Grieve Amendment

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We'll talk about some Brexit news in a moment but first I guess it's worth mentioning that it's 50 years this weekend since man walked on the moon and as Michael Collins remained alone flying overhead in the orbiter, we was one of the only the people in history to be both sad and both over the moon at the same time. Unfortunately though for the folks like you and me the prospect of commercial flights to the moon still remain as far in the future as the idea of a supposedly conservative governmen ......

2019 Jul 13 - Sir Kim Darroch Resignation

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Quite a few stories of note this week: Iran threatening to seize a British ship, the Tommy Robinson sentencing, Facebook being fined $5bn and Jeremy Corbyn's team denying accusations of antisemitism and saying the story is being concocted by a global jewish conspiracy. Plus looking at at the news there's also a new "weird health tip" that a mom in the midwest has supposedly discovered that doctors don't want you to know about. Wait no, the last of those is an advert.

Let's talk about the resign ......

2019 Jul 06 - 4th of July Parade

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While the UK awaits the election results in the Prime Ministerial ballot, the Democrat party in America is also in the process of choosing a leader and the US, as always, is very keen to show that it does things differently, just as it spells things differently, uses different plug sockets and turns up to world wars towards the end of them rather than at the beginning.

This week saw a bombastic 4th of July celebration in Washington DC with stealth bombers, fighter jets, fireworks and a series ......

2019 Jun 29 - European Heatwave

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This week in Southern Europe, the wave of political populism gave way to the wave of heat, a heat wave, as temperatures crept high enough that the trees are beckoning dogs over to them. Yes, the mercury in the thermometers would be rising to the top, if the EU hadn't banned the use of mercury thermometers years ago. Remember that supposedly silly scene in the 4th Indiana Jones movie where he climbs into a lead-lined fridge, well that seems like a sensible idea now, it's probably quite cold in th ......

2019 Jun 22 - Boris and Jeremy Hunt

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What’s been going on in the world this week? Well I could tell you all about my addiction to reading books. But that's another story. What has been going on is a round of votes to decide who will be the next leader of the Conservative Party and therefore the new Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. The post is actually still held by Theresa May who is being about as pro-active in the legislative process as she’s been for the past 2 years: in the past week she managed to pass three times as ......

2019 Jun 15 - Iran Oil Tanker Attack

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Perhaps Iran should change its name to Irate because there's trouble afoot in the Strait of Hormuz after 2 oil tankers were attacked this week although I've been out that part of the world and frankly I don't see how a fire could have burned the boat worse than the regular day to day weather.

Anyway, the US has been quick to call out Iran as the mastermind behind it all, which seems a missed opportunity. Call me old fashioned but I would have liked to see the US organise a heads of state summit ......

2019 Jun 08 - D-Day Commemorations

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This week President Trump visited the UK and then headed over to France for the D-Day commemorations, personally I'd have done it the other way around: stock up with wine at the lower French prices before going to the Queen's party - are you expected to bring a bottle when you show up at the palace? Who knows, maybe he'd already bought a 40oz bottle of Johnny Walker Black Label at Duty Free when he was at the airport.

Back to the news, President Trump flew into London for the first part of his ......

2019 Jun 01 - Mexico Trade Tariffs

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The US trade war escalated this week as President Trump announced a new 5% trade tariff on Mexico. It's 5% on everything coming over the border and that rate is primed to go up faster than Boris Johnson's upcoming legal bill with analysts saying it could quickly ramp to 10%, 20%, 40% maybe. Very much like when I'm making margaritas.

The US-Mexico tariffs: ostensively it's to do with immigration and paying for a border wall, in reality it's likely got a lot to do with diverting the news from the ......
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